Life, as I know it

Can't believe it's almost 2010

2009-11-06T10:34:00.000-08:00

So, can't really say the year has improved. My uncle has cancer, another friend has cancer. A second friend's wife died of cancer in July. So, this is the year of cancer. And I'm getting very tired of it. Oh, and another friend, his father had surgery this week to remove a tumor. Sigh.

Bright spot: I did go on two Compassion trips this year, to the Philippines in June and Brazil in October. My neice went with me to the Philippines and I very much enjoyed spending time with her. I loved both trips!

God bless.

So much for the year improving :(

2009-01-23T09:18:00.000-08:00

So this year is truly going to be terrible. And we are only on day 23. One of my close friends put in to be a judge. He would have made an awesome judge. It was announced today that the other guy who put in got it. He's a civil atty who won't be much help to an over burdened criminal calendar. In fact, 5 of the last 6 judges we got in were civil and not criminal. Sigh. My friend had both criminal and civil experience. He would have been the better choice.

Life just sucks right now.

God bless.

09 off to a bad start

2009-01-09T11:45:00.000-08:00

I came back from Florida on the 4th of January. I went to work on the 5th. A friend of mine begain IMing me first thing that morning. She told me that a mutual friend of ours, Donna, had passed away on the 2nd. She went to Stanford hospital on Dec. 24th (while I was in Florida) and was diagnosed with cancer....a very rare and agressive cancer. She and her husband prayed that she wouldn't suffer, and she died shortly after that prayer. The good news, her husband felt that his faith in God was justified, because He answered such and important prayer, the bad...a light has gone out of this world. Donna was vibrant, joyous, happy, and always busy with work, family and volunteering at our church and for other worthy causes. She would have turned 39 today and had her 3rd year anniversary on the 21st of this month.

I have been given a small honor. I had made a cross stitch wreath for their wedding, with their names, a Bible verse, the date and at the top it said a fairy tale romance (the words they put on their wedding invites) and had it framed. They are going to display it at the viewing (which is today) I was very touched that it meant that much to Donna and her husband. The funeral is tomorrow.

I have been told that she was the same right up until she went home to God, happy, full of life and her request was that tomorrow be a celebration and a party (there is one scheduled for after the funeral) and no black was to be worn.

I spoke w/ her husband on the phone for several hours Monday night, and went over to his house last night with other friends. He is glad she isn't suffering, but he misses her terribly.

I just can't believe she is gone. I can't believe this year started with the death of someone I loved.

She will be greatly missed.

(this portion posted 90 minutes later)
I just learned that the wife of a coworker had an ultrasound yesterday. It was not good. The baby's (Clara) 18th chromosome didn't split. That means very bad things. Most notable of which is that she will carry the baby to term (due in May) and the baby will die within a few days. Her heart is messed up, she has larges cysts in the brain, and no bones in her arms. I can't even imagine the pain the mother will experience every day for the next 5 mths as she feels her daughter move and kick, knowing that she will never grow up.

I really don't like the way this year is starting.

God bless.

New kids!

2008-10-29T11:15:00.000-07:00

On Monday, I felt one of those urges/need to look at photos of kids on the Compassion website. I know that feeling, and it's God telling me that I need another child! I always search by longest waiting. If you do that you get photo's of children that have been waiting more than 6 months for a sponsor. I know, from talking to Compassion staff that sometimes kids drop out of the program because they don't have a sponsor!

Two photos tugged at my heart. Juan from Columbia and Kaio from Brazil. I couldn't decide which one to sponsor. So I thought I'll sleep on it, check the website tomorrow and if only one is left (the other having been sponsored) then that is the one God means for me to have.

On Tuesday, I checked again. Both were still there! Hmm.....I decided to go with Juan and clicked on his picture, which gives you a web page with some information about him and the link to start sponsoring him. But I hestitated. I asked God which child? And the immediate answer was BOTH. Still thinking that 2 was alot to add to my budget, I asked again, and got the same answer. So, I clicked on Juan's sponsor link and was told that another sponsor had signed up for him and I couldn't! I went back to the outer page and his photo was gone! And I felt real loss. I was sad. Not the disappointed you get when an album you wanted is sold out so you buy a different one. But real loss. I went ahead and signed up Kaio and spent some time praying for Juan's new sponsor that it would be a great relationship.

This morning, I felt that tug to look at the photos again. And guess what I saw? Juan's photo!!! I got tears in my eyes that I had a second chance! I don't know what happened with the other person who was trying to sponsor him, and I hope and pray that other sponsor picked another child, but I was so happy, I had my child back. I love that God gives us all second chances in so many different ways!

Oh, and here's the kicker. Juan turned 6 years old today, not yesterday or Monday, today the 29th. And for his birthday, he got a sponsor who will love him and treasure each letter he writes! Happy Birthday!

And on the subject of Compassion, they have a blog with wonderful stories on it, and one story they had awhile back was about a man who rented a bicycle van to transport people around, but most of his earnings went to pay the rent on it. His dream was to own a bicycle van (such a simple dream!) and the folks reading the blog chipped in and today they had a story about him receiving his bicycle van (which is a bike attached to a flatbed cart that people sit on while he pedals and takes them where they want to go!) Here's the link to the story.

God bless!

Compassion International and poverty

2008-10-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

I got a widget! Compassion made it easy, all I had to do was copy all the code and then figure out where to put it in the blog code for my page. The first place I put it kind of messed up some of my links, although I don't know why, I didn't put it in the middle of the links! So I moved it. And it looks better now. It's pretty cool.

It's not for sponsoring a child thru Compassion, but I'm sure clicking on the widget would get you there eventually. It's for something related. See, I have been listening to people complain about our gas prices and economy and what folks can't buy, and I've complained too. But I still have a car, a safe place to live, a heating unit in my apartment. I still buy books and go see my friends. I still eat out when I want too. Sometimes I don't go to the movies or the beach or something to save money, but really it's not hitting me hard. For those with kids, it's probably hitting them harder. My brother has 8 kids, and they still seem to be getting everything they need. None of them go hungry. But in Haiti and other countries where Compassion works, kids are going hungry. Milk here may have gone up 10 or 15 cents. And we gripe, and pay it. In Haiti, they can no longer afford it. The income made by most folks in third world countries barely kept the family feed before, and now....it's impossible. Compassion Country Offices (each country that has a program has a local office) have requested help feeding the kids and their families and Compassion in Colorado (the headquarters) has a fund to help. And they are trying to raise money. But it seems people here are so afraid of our market and that Christmas will be leaner this year that they are afraid to send the money. We all need to remember that God is in charge and help those who are literally starving. The Compassion blog explains the situation better. Please trust God and click on the Compassion widget!

The opposite of poverty is enough.

God bless

Compassion Advocate

2008-10-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

Compassion has a program that people can join and become a Compassion Adovcate. You get training discs and some dvd's and a binder with instructions. Friends, and even an employee from Compassion, have said that I should become an advocate for years because of how passionate I am about Compassion and it's ministry. And I have passed for years. Not because I don't believe in Compassion, but because I am afraid I would fail. You make a commitment to get at least 4 kids sponsored, by other people, every year. Part of why I thought I would fail is that my church is a "world vision" church. They want to support a ministry as a body and they have chosen World Vision. So I can't have a Compassion Sunday, where a booth is set up at your church and you have child packets and get sponsors! I've asked, and my request has been denied. Sigh.

However, I felt that I should become an advocate anyway. I got all the materials late last month including a child packet and I was very nervous and scared. Each child packet is dated. Mine was dated Nov. 7th. So I had a month to find her a sponsor. And the other reason I was afraid I would fail is that I can talk about how awesome Compassion is and how much you as a sponsor get out of it, but showing them a packet and saying please take her, well that part is hard. I'm not good at asking for money for any type of cause, not that directly.

So I just kept praying...please let me find someone and let them approach me! I carried the packet around, hoping someone would see the girl's picture and ask me, but no one did. But last Saturday, after church, I started talking to a woman from a past Bible study group I was in and I just blurted out "so after listening me talk about Compassion, did it ever make you want to sponsor a child?" She said that she had sponsored a child, thru World Vision, and my heart sank. Then she said that the child had graduated and she didn't have one right now and it was good that I caught her before she signed up another kid! I felt such relief.....until I get the next packet and wonder who will I find for that child?

God bless!

Longer than I thought

2008-09-10T13:13:00.001-07:00

Wow, I didn't realize that 3 1/2 months had passed without a post!

Mom is fine. My shoulder is back to normal and I am no longer taking the ibuprofin. Indonesia was awesome!

There was a 77 year old lady on the tour. She had a few minor difficulties, but all in all she got around great! Even to the home visits! I think she must have had a stroke because one side of her face was a bit droopy, but she was amazing and I loved getting to know her. And she was inspirational. I hope that when I am 77 I am still going on tours to visit my kids.

I got the best letter ever from one of my kids, Brayan in Ecuador. He wrote that he thought of me as a mom and hoped that I thought of him as my son! I wrote back and said that it was the best thing I ever read in my life and that he was blessed by God because he had two mom's who loved him and that of course I thought of him as my son. Just writing this brings tears to my eyes!

Meeting Arlita in Indonesia was great! She was a bit serious, and a bit overwhelmed when I gave her the gifts, but I told her that I thought of her as my daughter and wanted to give her everything! And she gave me a dress that they bought and a banner she sewed with my name on it. I wrote her when I got back that it made me think of the Bible story of the widow and her pennies. That Arlita gave from her need and I gave from my plenty and all in all, her gift meant more!

It's been a weird mom related summer. First, my mom was ill, then a girl I have been mentoring since 8th grade (she's almost 21) her mom died (I was at the hospital when they took the mom off the respirator...and I had been friends with the mom at one point) on June 27th, three days before my trip to Indonesia. I also learned that another friend's mom had been diagnosed with cancer and she passed away August 19. I have another friend whose mom fell and broke her hip, and sometime this spring/summer had a replacement surgery, where they accidentally broke her pelvic bone! and now she has a blood clot, and is still not allowed to leave her bed. And a fourth friend whose mom was in the hospital. It seems too much to be a coincidence that all these mom's are having issues at the same time. I know my mom is fine, but I have to wonder what God might be telling me.

I have joined a new bible study on Daniel, by Beth Moore, it's part video part workbook. I like it. The drawback......it meets thursday 5:30 AM til 7 am. I have to leave at 6:55 to make it home in time to get ready for work. but to go to the study I have to get up two hours earlier than normal! (1 hour if I go to the gym like I should---but that's too early too!) So pray that God gives me energy! Because Wednesday night is the only night of the week I can't go to bed early, it's my bowling night.

I think there is more, but that will update for now!
God bless.

shoulder...mom...and Indonesia

2008-05-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

So, further update on my shoulder. I saw the surgeon guy yesterday. He said something even different!!! Sigh. So, it's not a bone spur, at least not the way I was thinking of it. It is in the fact that my shoulder bone is just a bit deformed...as the dr. said "it was made that way" I was thinking that it was a kind of a growth...as I have heard from others who had a bone spur! As to surgery, the Dr. didn't seem to think that it was necessary, so long as I don't do things that inflame the area. He basically said take ibuprofin, and cortisone shots if you want, and you should be fine, but if it's not the the level it was before I made it all worse (in Jan.) then I could reconsider. Interesting. So, I guess for now, I won't have the surgery. He said if I did, I would have a sling for about a week and then some P.T. He gave me a prescription for strong ibuprofin and I'll take that and see what happens. I'll give it a few months and if it's not back to my version of normal (pre jan.) Then I'll go back to the surgeon!

Mom was in the hospital. She's going to be fine, but I was very worried, and it wasn't even a "she's getting older" kind of thing. She got bit by a poisonous caterpillar and the dr. gave her the wrong medicine which lowered her immune system and she got a massively bad bowel infection! Sigh. I went to Florida while she was in the hospital to help out. I am so grateful to God that she is getting better! I'm not ready to lose her.

And it's only 39 days til I go to Indonesia with Compassion!

God bless

Update on my shoulder

2008-03-31T08:31:00.000-07:00

Ok. So either the doctor was being oblique, or I misunderstood...or a combo! Maybe he didn't want to scare me? Anyway, I normally see the P.A.C. but for this I apparently had to see the dr. And I don't think he explains things well. I have been going to physical therapy for the past month. My last session is today. The therapist got a copy of my MRI report and he explained it to me much better than the dr. did, this happened last Friday. I have a couple of bone spurs. And strengthening my rotater cuff is supposed to stop them from scraping the other bone and stop the pain. But what happens as I get older, and can't keep the cuff strong? My body can handle surgery to remove the spurs much better now then later, right? So, I am concerned that this is not the best way to go. I am not a fan of the idea of surgery, but it seems like I am delaying the inevitable, because bone spurs don't shrink!

92 days til Indonesia!

God bless

My shoulder

2008-03-05T08:34:00.000-08:00

So right after the MRI, I was going to spend the 3 day weekend at a friends house by a lake 3 hours away. I was actually helping her move, and then we (and another friends) were going to a Singles dance at a church nearby. I was to drive home on Monday. I couldn't help much, because of my shoulder, but she needed my car to load stuff into! and it was supposed to be a fun gals weekend. Sigh. I got that truly horrible version of the flu! I couldn't drive home until Thursday! Then I only worked 4 hours on Friday and went home and back to bed. Crazy. The dr. called me Wednesday to tell me the MRI results, but I was too sick to understand, and when I finally made it home, the illness lingered on (actually still lingering) but I went to see the dr. on Monday. Basically, I have a bit of arthritis and no muscle between the two bones, so they hit. And the other muscle up there worked double time to compensate and got very inflamed. So he gave me a cortizone shot, told me to take advil twice a day and go to Physical therapy three times a week for a month, to start! Yikes, that's a lot of sick time, especially after I used 28 hours for the flu! Luckily (ok thanks to God really) I have 380 sick hours built up and I can do the PT at 4:30 to 5:30 so I won't miss too much work (or have to come back to work after PT)

117 days til Indonesia!

God bless

MRI

2008-02-14T11:32:00.000-08:00

So, I had my first MRI today. And let me say, I never want to do that again. Those 15-20 minutes were horrible! The first time the guy put me in the machine, I had my eyes open and I FREAKED! I yelled get me out, get me out. I sat on the table, outside the machine while the guy explained other options to me. I decided to try again, I really didn't want a delay in the diagnosis. This time I went in with my eyes closed and didn't open them. I had my right arm positioned so I couldn't feel the wall. And I prayed. The headphones the guy gave me played christian music, I was so happy they had that selection available! I prayed for my friends and parents and compassion kids, and was still tense the whole time. My brain would scream get me out, or just the word out. But I kept my mouth closed. This had to be done, and God would get me thru it.

For years, I have had minor issues with my left shoulder, but sometime at the beginning of the month, those issues blossomed into lasting pain. There has been pain in my shoulder, nonstop for over 10 days now. I can hear the crack when I move that arm to high or to far out, or just move it to close the car door! The pain, at times, radiates down to my fingers. So I went to my Dr. on the 11th and had x-rays that day. My dr. said she could feel things grinding against each other in there! Yuck. The MRI today. The MRI people gave me the film! Odd. They will send the report to my dr. and she's supposed to call me on Tuesday with the results and perhaps a referral to an orthopedic surgeon. Luckily for me, a co-worker had surgery on his shoulder a few years back and said his guy was awesome, so I hope to go to him too.

I am a bit scared. I have never had anything majorly wrong with me, never had surgery, not even for tonsils or appendix! But God got me thru the MRI, I'm sure he'll be there while I am in surgery too.

God bless

January

2008-01-08T16:29:00.000-08:00

Christmas in Florida was very nice. Perfect weather, almost no rain, and 3 beach days!!! A cold front moved in the day after I left. I found three new suits at the second hand stores and just enjoyed spending time with my mom. My dad too, when he wasn't watching football.

January where I live is pretty miserable....cold, wet just icky. I long for summer!

No more trips for what seems like a very long time....July 1st to Indonesia. (174 days) I have gotten used to going somewhere more often than that! ah well. Gives me plenty of time to shop for stuff for Arlita and her family. That's fun too.

God bless.

Back from thailand

2007-11-28T09:00:00.000-08:00

The trip was amazing. My nephew seemed to be loving every minute of it. I was right the flights were a drag, although the way back seemed worse...and then the 5 hour drive home!! ick.

We went to an elephant park. Later we rode the elephants in a seat strapped to their backs. I was actually picked up by the truck of an elephand and sat on it's trunk!

I think, so far, Thailand was my favorite country to visit. It's so beautiful there and I love the food! I had no problems eating there. It's a tourist type country so they had night markets with artists and other types of stuff to buy. And you could bargin. I had a blast doing that. There was a 17 year old girl on the trip, Kirstin and she and and my nephew bonded quite well. I had an honorary neice for the trip. She was a very nice gal and I didn't mind sharing my nephew with her.

The Thai people are a bit reserved. We were told to ask our sponsored child if it was ok to hug them! Very different from Central and South America. Pui was beautiful and she wants to be a tour guide.

I learned something new on this trip. Compassion is evangalistic. I thought all the kids in the projects belonged to the church...or at least were not attached to any other religion. Well, Compassion requires a certain percentage of the spots at any project be given to non-christian kids...to reach them, and their families, for Christ. I found this out when Pui told me she was Buddhist! It makes sense. But now I have even more reason to pray for her. Also, since Thailand is so heavily Buddhist, sometimes kids accept Christ but never tell anyone, especially their families who might disapprove-rather strongly.
Two of the projects we visited weren't technically Thai. One was a tribe called Yellow Lahu and they came from Burma about 50 years ago and were pretty insulated. They were more like the kids in South America...huggy sorts! And the other were Hmong, also huggy sorts.

It was such an amazing trip! I am so blessed by God to be able to do these trips and see the world safely. And Compassion is such an amazing Christ centered organization!

215 days til I go to Indonesia!
God bless

7 days to Thailand

2007-10-26T15:09:00.001-07:00

One week from today, at this time, I will be driving down to L.A. so that I can catch a flight to Thailand. As excited as I am...I am also dreading the flight. We leave just after midnight Friday (so, technically sat morn) we go to Hong Kong, change planes, go to Bangkok, change plans, and go to Chiang Rei (it might be Chiang Mai) That is a heck of alot of flying, and we cross the dateline! My nephew meets me in L.A.

It's been a crazy few months. I am no longer prosecuting kids, but prosecute the welfare fraud cases and assist on the general felony calendars. I have switched offices twice in the past 2 months! My parents are also in a bit of a crisis and I am very worried about them. Things keep slipping my mind, my memory seems to be fading daily. Sigh. I'll try to post when I get back from Thailand!
God bless

Prayer for Peru

2007-08-16T07:16:00.000-07:00

Hi all. ( or to cyberjazzdaddy!) There was a massive earthquake in Peru last night and places I went to are in a lot of trouble. Ica was hit hard (we stayed overnight there) The highway to Ica is ruined with big cracks and impassible to the relief drivers. Chincha, a town that held a project that we visited was hit hard, and I am so worried about all the Compassion kids and their families, everyone else in Peru too, but the kids and their families have so little already and now that little bit (their dirt floor, thin wall 2 room house) is likely gone now. Please pray for them!

God bless.

long time no post

2007-07-30T18:18:00.000-07:00

Over a month. Well, to update, the dress that was backordered arrived 2 days before I left and I tried it on for a friend of mine and it fit fine!! I wasn't quite sure, but I think that's because it's fancier than I would normally wear. The flight to Nebraska was a disaster, I got stuck overnight in Dallas with no promises of when I'd get out of there! I did manage to be one of the lucky ones who made the stand by flight.

My neices and nephews are all awesome, the baby is such a sweetheart, he laughs so hard and is just a very happy baby.

The wedding was beautiful and the groom watched his bride walk down the aisle with such love on his face that I knew they would have an awesome marriage! It was great to see family.

Thailand is only 95 days away and the idea that the next trip wouldn't be til may of 2009 is kind of making me sad. So I might go to Nicaragua in June of 08 or maybe El Salvador in Nov 08. Nahum, in El Salvador, mentioned that he was hoping to see me again. He's such a sweet, and serious, kid.

This month is full of tough cases for me and I am dreading the entire month so pray for me!!

God bless.

still no dress

2007-06-21T10:56:00.000-07:00

Well, the dress I ordered looks HORRIBLE on me! So this weekend I will go to the outlets (about an hour and 1/2 away) and try again. I am running out of time, and options.

Part of the problem was that I ordered 2 dresses and the company only sent one! The other was backordered (although it didn't show that when I ordered it) so it should arrive while I am in Nebraska. Sigh. It might have fit! So not fair.

Speaking of not fair, The House has passed a bill (actually I think it's 2) and basically, if I read them right, people in public service, like me, can have their student loans forgiven after 10 years of service and payment. A very exciting idea for someone who still has over 100,000 in loans and 8 years of service!!!!!!!!! However, as I read it, the bill applies to new borrowers, which is defined as someone who borrows AFTER the bill date!!! UNBELIEVABLE. So many people are getting screwed by that wording! How unfair is that, millions of people working public service, not getting that benefit, but some kid will get hired by their company and after 10 years have their loans forgiven and the folks who have been there 18 years will still be paying!!!!!!!!! That's just wrong. wrong. wrong.

God bless

I wish I didn't have to think up titles

2007-06-14T13:19:00.000-07:00

That does get a bit annoying. Sometimes, I just want to post an update and have no title in mind!

The photo is from Peru, the first project we visited. I fell in love with her! Her name is Yarumi and she is 8 years old. And from the moment I picked her up, I carried her until we left, about 40 minutes later. This is from about 5 minutes after I picked her up. I asked someone to take a picture and Yarumi decided to give me a big kiss on the cheek just as the lady snapped the photo. The green thing in my hand is a pear, made of some rubber type material, with the project name on it. A staff person was making them and she gave it to Yarumi to give to me, and I had Yarumi put her name on the back of it. I will definately be saving that! Later that day, another staff person gave her a necklace to give me, right before we left. It was so very sweet!

13 days til Nebraska. My mom gets there about 3 in the afternoon, I don't get there til 10 at night, except it would be 8 my time, so I lose 2 hours. We leave NE on the 5th to go to Massachusetts for my cousins wedding. I ordered a dress online and it should arrive at my house next Monday. It better fit, or I have no clue what I will wear at the wedding. The reception is in a Castle in New Hampshire!

She asked my mom to read a prayer at the wedding. I was so happy to hear that. I like that she is involving my mom. They have gotten a bit closer since mom got email.

143 days til Thailand. The kind of sad part about that trip, is that because I am doing 2 trips this year, I won't be going on any in 2008! The next one would be June of 2009. To long to count down. The 2009 trip will be to Indonesia, and my intent is to take my oldest neice, who will be 17 by then.

God bless

life

2007-05-25T16:17:00.000-07:00

So, in a short 33 days, I will be on vacation again! amazing huh? It's to Nebraska to see my brother and his family (and hopefully college friends!) and then to Boston for my cousin's wedding. My mom will be going with me too.

And, is it too early to start counting down for my next compassion trip? To Thailand, with my oldest nephew (he will turn 18 while in Thailand...but will be a senior in High School still) The trip is in November. It's 162 days, just over 5 mths away. I really can't wait for that trip either. The girl I have there is above average in school, loves music, and is 16. She asked me to come visit in her very first letter!! Very brave of her. But, in every letter she writes me she introduces herself, like it's the first letter she ever sent. I just got one from her yesterday. My day with her (at an elephant park I think--we get to ride them!) will hopefully show her that her name is written on my heart and soul and that I love her!! And would never forget her.

The picture is of Jose, he's 15. I met him in Peru. He's a compassion kid. He was sweet and followed me around for awhile. I asked him the few questions I knew in spanish, and I told him my name and how old I was. That will be so different about Thailand. I don't know even the basics of that language!!!

God bless.

To Peru and back

2007-05-09T14:33:00.000-07:00

First, lets start with how after all the planning and waiting and excitement, the trip almost got cancelled!! My dad went into the hospital on April 12th, just 9 days before we were scheduled to leave! and thru miscommunications between the 2 hospitals he was in, he didn't get transferred til the 16th and the angio test wasn't done til the 17th! He finally was released on the 18th, just 3 short days before mom and I get on a plane for Peru!! He went in because the defibulater worked again. It shocked him. Apparently, he is one of minority of people who will have arrythemea (sp?) the rest of his life, which terrifies him, because the defib going off is very very painful. But I had so many people praying that mom and I would still be able to go to Peru and that dad would be find and God is great and merciful, and let us have that special trip together. My dad is still scared, but is otherwise fine.

Mom keeps telling people it wasn't a vacation, but an adventure! They are so poor there, and so connected to God there, sometimes I wish we had simplicity in our lives, no ipods, computers, tvs, nintendos and the 1,000's of THINGS that drown out God's voice.

The girl I sponsor there, Jenifer, had one real possession, her pet dove. Her pet, that she loved. And she wanted to give it to me!! how amazingly sweet and generous of her. Of course, I was relieved that the compassion staff explained to her that she couldn't do that and that she left the bird at home!! She is an awesome big sister and helped her mom all day long with her baby sister Sarai. She's 10 mths old. The family left the mountains when Jenifer was 15 days old because in the middle of the guerilla warfare, soldiers beat up her father and stabbed him (he's fine, he has an ice cream cart) They live on the side of a sand hill in a small house (2-3 rooms) with dirt floors and plywood walls. No electricity, no water. She is 9 now, and has never lived in a house with electricity!! The community is almost 10 years old, when that happens, they can work on getting the gov't to run water and electric lines to the "town" and after 10 years of squatting they can own the land. There are 4 kids and 2 adults living there, in that tiny place. Some of the visit was so sad, like the woman who has flimsy walls and gang members knocking them down all the time to try to get at her daughters. Some was amazing like the 15 year old kid who is in the leadership development program that Compassion has who was in his second year of college and spoke awesome English, a mind that would have been lost if not for Compassion!!

God bless

Almost

2007-04-10T08:24:00.000-07:00

It's almost here!! just 10 days til Peru! I am already 3/4 packed. I have to do laundry one more time on the 16th, I have a ton of court trials on the 18th and I have to touch up the roots of my hair on the 15th. Finish packing on the 19th. buy a few remaining items this sunday, and take a nine mile hike with folks from my church on the 14th.

Speaking of church, There have been some changes! Did I mention this already? The leader of my ministry is leaving and the worship leader and his wife (who is the leader of kids ministries) are leaving! Sigh. Also, are bass player is gone, and his wife who set up the candles every sat night. I was asked to do it instead. that's pretty cool!

God bless

Cold again

2007-03-27T13:52:00.000-07:00

So, it's cooled back down outside. I went from needing an air conditioner for the sunny afternoon hours on the 11th to needing the heater this morning!! Sigh. I want warm again.

Things are slightly better with my friends, in some ways, and slightly worse in others. I see criminals in my every day job, but have rarely had true evil in my life. Now, there is. And I liked it better from a distance.

24 days til Peru, and boy do I need this Compassion tour trip!!

God bless

life sucks

2007-03-20T16:29:00.000-07:00

There are times that I feel evil is winning. And I wonder why God is waiting to end it all and take the believers home. This is one of those times.

I have mentioned some friends of mine having problems before. I thought they were horrible problems (and honestly, they were--and still on going) I thought there was no way things could be worse. I was wrong. And now they could lose everything. The husband could lose his job, his pension, his ability to get a job in any area for which he has training, literally everything. And all of the other issues are still there in his life (and the family's) this is just extra, and almost all of it is due to an evil rotten horrible person who seems determined to ruin their lives.

please pray for my friends.

God bless

Bowling !!!

2007-03-01T16:52:00.000-08:00

Last night I finally did it. I hit a 200 game for the first time! very cool!

The first game I bowled a 110, my average being a 130. So I was thinking it would be a bad night! Then the second game, I got 2 strikes, a spare, 2 strikes and an open in the 6th frame. My score was 126. And I starting singing christian songs to myself. Paul, a teammate, started to mention the ability I had to get a 200, and I said don't talk to me, I don't want to know, I don't want to think about it. Every time I think in bowling, I mess it up big time. I didn't look at my score for the rest of the game and I starting singing christian songs to myself, so i wouldn't think about it. In the 7th I got a spare, 8th and 9th were strikes, the first ball in the 10th was a strike, then I got 9 pins on the extra ball. for a grand total of 224!!! Which, as an added bonus, was the high score for women in the league for the season (so far) Also, I was using a lane ball, and I looked at the number on it, the last 3 numbers were 777!!

I was so excited.

51 days til Peru.

God bless

a long time

2007-02-23T13:45:00.000-08:00

It's been forever since I have posted. I have been very busy. I have started training the attorney that will come into juvy court this week. I am very happy about that, although, it's still going to be a few more weeks of going to court with him, which means just about every day in court!!!

It's only 56 days til I go to Peru!! But Compassion hasn't even posted the schedule on the web site yet!! Trips the months after April have schedules, but not Peru! This makes me a bit anxious. I like to know and plan and have it all laid out! All I have left to buy is candy and some paints for the kids. And to pack of course.

I had a blast the weekend of the 10th. I went for a 4 day trip to Nebraska, which is mildly crazy in the winter. Totally worth it tho. I felt better when I got back. I saw my baby nephew for the first time and he's a sweetie. He has my brother's mouth, which means a big lower lip. He liked me, he let me hold him alot without crying and fell asleep in my arms.

I also went to a party for a college friend of mine. Another friend who lives in California came too. We were a suprise to her, she had no idea we were coming! It was way cool! I see her (and her hubby and kids) about once a year since they live close to my brother. The other friend hadn't seen them in 16 years, which is when we graduated, 16 years ago. (which is an incredibly scary thought.) It was really cool for us to be together and stay up and talk.

God bless!

My new used car

2007-01-29T10:46:00.000-08:00

So, one of my friends agreed to go car shopping with me. The day that she could go and assist kept changing. On Thursday, we agreed on Sat. 1-5. Friday morning, she IM's me and says Friday night! So during Friday, I cleaned up my car, got all my junk out, went to credit union and got pre-approved at a very good rate, washed it, vacuumed it and put water in the radiator. Driving it with the cracked gasket and damaged heating core had pushed it over the edge and there were little puddles under the car wherever it got parked!!
I got a 2006 Silver Ford Fusion, with 15,000 miles on it. (the picture is of the 2007, I think, and it's the tungsten silver, without a ton of extras) It's pretty cool and Consumer Reports liked it. They gave it all red circles. (which means above average) It still had the manufacturer warranty on it so no worries for 2 more years. It has a cd player and a key with buttons to unlock the doors for me! It was a bit more than I wanted to spend, but I really liked it, and well, my car wasn't going to last much longer at all!! They gave me a trade in value of $700 and that was probably more than the car was worth! They asked if they could test drive it and they didn't even leave the lot, just parked it in a different spot and looked at the puddle in the old spot. I went out to double check that I had cleaned it all out of my stuff and saw drips on the pavement where it drove!! Very bad. The $700 was also a huge improvement over what I got for the last car that died on me, $50 salvage! I tend to drive a car until it completely dies. I gave up the Taurus just before it died!
Getting the Fusion before the Taurus was completely worthless is God's doing and I thank Him for keeping the Taurus drivable til I could trade it in, and for setting it up so we looked Friday night instead of Sat. Now, I just have to keep all my expenses to a minimum for the next few months til I get my pay increase in April!
God bless.

A month of changes

2007-01-22T08:27:00.000-08:00

Well, techincally, the changes don't really happen til next month. But, once one of our felony deputy's gave his 4 week notice, we all knew they were coming. After 2 weeks of endless speculation by just about everyone in our office, and by the defense attorneys, I know the moves that will be happening. Because I would like to prosecute felonies, I was interested in the open spot. I had my bible study group pray that I would be considered and that I would be placed in a position in my office that God wanted me to be in, and that I would accept the decision my office made, as being used by God to have me right where he needed me! I am not the one going to felonies, although I was considered. And that consideration made me content. I am going to do a little switch. I currently prosecute juveniles, two days a week in court, when the public defender is there. I will be going to the conflict defense atty calendar, a different 2 days in court. It's a slightly harder calendar. You deal with more than one atty and if there is a case with three defendants, two of them end up on the conflict court days, so it's a bit of a heavier calendar. And I will be training the new person that will be doing the public defender days. And I am ok with all of that.

I am, however, not ok with the news I just received. My car is toast. I had a problem with the heater core, which I was willing to pay the 500 to fix, but it also has head gaskets that are leaking, which means over 1,000 to fix, plus the 500. I had intended to get a new (well new used) car next spring (2008) but now I can't wait. I need it now. I am not putting 1500 into a ford that had 108,000 on it. (I got the phone call while I was typing this)
Sigh

God bless.

Back from Christmas vacation

2007-01-03T11:11:00.000-08:00

I am back to work, actually, I was sort of back to work yesterday. I say it that way because I went to bed at 3:30 am in the wee hours of Tuesday, (nice flight delays and then thick fog on the drive home) and had to get up at 7 am to go to work. But, Bush made it a day of mourning so, fed and state offices were closed. Court was still open, all those defendants had been ordered to appear on the 2nd so we had to function. If you didn't have any court cases, you didn't have to work. Luckily for me, I only had a morning calendar, so I went home after lunch and slept!! I got up, ate, went to Bible study (on 1st John) and then went home and back to bed. I am feeling much better today.

Updates: 1) my friend and her husband have reconcilled!! Before Christmas too. I am very relieved about that.
2) my nephew Noe James was born on Dec. 21st and is doing great. (there is a line over the e in Noe)
3) I can now leave messages on other people's blogs again, however.....I used to get an email when someone left a message on my blog, and now I don't!! Sigh.
4) 108 days til Peru!!!

I am glad that my friends marriage has survived. But my bro is now having problems. Not with the marriage, but with other people who seem to not like him and his wife being happy! His wife was married before and her ex (who is currently in prison) gets out in 3 months and has sent a threatening letter to my bro. Also, her family seems to want to cause problems for my bro, which will cause problems for her. Which is very hard to understand. My bro is happy, and I hope the outside forces won't ruin that.

Over Christmas, I spent a lot of time teaching my parents about computers and basic concepts of the internet. Like email and playing games. Boy was that a challenge. Neither one of them has any clue about computers and well, tempers flared frequently, mine and theirs!! I am NOT a good teacher. I get too impatient. I need to work on that, I guess.

God bless.

Frustrated w/ blogger

2006-12-13T15:04:00.000-08:00

I keep trying to leave messages on other blogs and it keeps telling me that my password is wrong. It's not wrong. I just used it to log in and write this message! This has been going on for a week now!

God bless

Sadness

2006-12-08T10:18:00.000-08:00

So many people choose poorly. They chose to follow their own goals, their own plans. Sometimes, that in itself, won't lead to disaster, but choosing to walk away from God for those goals will. And way too many people do that. Satan invades the world and will work in any crack you have in your life and then next thing you know, your world has collapsed, and the fall out impacts so many other people. A choice to walk away from God hurts more than just that person.

I just learned a close friend of mine is getting divorced. She and her husband were at church every Saturday night, like I was. Her husband seemed so on fire for God. She realized they were having problems, and they went to counseling, but only a couple of times. The husband said it's not working forget it, I don't want to be married to you anymore. He told her she should leave, and not just the house, but the state! And she can take the kids. He started watching things he shouldn't have, he walked away from God and 4 other people get to suffer the consequences. Not to mention others at church who benefitted from her volunteering. It's a bit similar to my ex-sister in laws reaction a few years ago. My bro wanted counseling, he wanted it to work. She didn't. She wouldn't go. And their 5 kids watched their parents split up, and knew that it was because their mom walked away from God.

I understand getting mad at God, I've been there done that. I've yelled at God til I collapsed on the bed in tears. I yelled thru the tears. I asked Why, I screamed WHY. And I have made some choices in my life that contradicted God's teachings. But what my ex-sis in law did, what this former church man is doing, goes further than that. And I want to cry for my friend. Her choice to work on the marriage, to stay with the man she loves, was taken from her, she was left with no option.

Please pray for her, and the children.
God bless

Almost Done

2006-12-07T13:32:00.000-08:00

So, I am almost done Christmas shopping. I found a tiny bit of creativity when I went to my local Christian bookstore. The last two that I have to buy, are....Guess what....movie tickets. I mentioned to one of my friends that I was almost done, and she said, I bet I'm left, and I said yep. She said do you need ideas, I said well, I was just planning on doing the movies or a dinner out, like usual, and she said, oh movies please, that way I can get my husband to go!! SO I guess the standards are sometimes best!

Just 9 days til I go to Florida and 133 til Peru!

I am actually going to do 2 Compassion trips next year! The second will be to Thailand in Nov. I am going to take my oldest nephew with me. He will turn 18 while in Thailand! (did I already mention this?) This will not be a normal occurance, in fact because of the 2 trips in 2007, I don't plan on going on one in 2008. (Of course, I thought I'd only be doing one trip in '07, but God had different ideas and who knows what will happen in 2008!) But that's the plan, for now. And in spring of 08 my oldest nephew graduates high school!!!! I still have tons of baby/kid photo's around my apartment, how can he be almost done with school?

God bless

December already

2006-12-01T09:16:00.000-08:00

I am always amazed at how quickly we arrive at December and the close of a year. It seems so long ago that I was in El Salvador, and too long til I go to Peru.

I also haven't really been in the "Christmas" mood. Maybe it's because I have a really bad cold that won't go away. Maybe it's the shopping. Sigh. I have started. Mostly my neices and nephews. There are a lot of those!! But I have run out of ideas and seem to be resorting to movie tickets too much. I want to be creative and give something, I just don't have any ideas!

Happy December
God Bless

Happy Thanksgiving

2006-11-21T16:21:00.000-08:00

Well, it's only a day and a half away, so hope everyone enjoys the holidays!!

I really enjoyed the seminar in South Carolina, the weather was wonderful, I learned alot, my confidence level was bolstered and I met a lot of really nice people. Definately would like to go to another seminar there in the future!!

I used my mom's frequent flier miles to get to Florida for the Peru trip. I was very excited about that. A free flight is great!! Mom was happy that I could use her miles too. She likes the idea that she is contributing to the trip and that I am saving the 300-400 that it would cost to fly to Florida. (150 days to go, is that getting annoying yet?)

However, I don't have to wait that long for a break. I am going to Florida for Christmas. That's only 25 days. I leave the 16th for 2 weeks in Florida. Since I have no family in CA, I always go home for Christmas. Next year, I'll probably only have a week, since I am making so many trips next year.

God bless.

MishMash

2006-11-08T10:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I read Pete's blog (thunderhorse roughneck, listed on the side) and felt like celebrating. I have been reading his blog for a year, making occasional comments. His blog detailed the time he spent in Iraq. And I was so excited for him and his family, that he's back in the states, his tour over, and will soon be back home with his family, I certainly hope in time for Christmas!

They have updated the Compassion site, well at least put a bit more info on there about the trip to Peru. They are going to fly out of Miami. Sigh. I expected that, and it's great for my mom, who won't need a plane ticket to the airport we fly out of, but I will and boy is it rough to fly all day, and the very next day, fly all day!!! I had kind of hoped for Dallas, because that is where I'll likely have a layover anyway, and it wouldn't have been such a long day. (btw: it's 163 days and counting til Peru!)

Unfortunately, even tho' the cross stitch projects fit in the envelope, they can't be mailed. The deal Compassion has with customs doesn't incude cloth items, so all of the ones I already sent (7) will be donated to a charity. I was very sad about that! Well, I can finish the ones I have and bring them with me when I go to visit and give 3 of them out personally!

Last week at bowling, I got a 188!! wow. I was so close to the 200 game, but it's still proving elusive. Maybe tonight????

Next week, I will be in a training in South Carolina. I have no idea if the hotel has a computer room where I can check out the internet and blogs and email. But I don't have a laptop, so I may be out of touch for a bit. I will likely have close to 500 junk emails by the time I get back!

God bless.

Lets say thanks

2006-11-03T10:35:00.000-08:00

I listen to Air1 at work, a christian radio station. (You can listen online) They spoke of an organization that has a web site with postcards drawn by kids. You can pick a card, write a message and it will be mailed to the soldiers serving overseas. Especially now, as we come close to the holidays, the issue of whether we should be there or not needs to be dropped so we can support those who are fighting for freedom and are so far from their loved ones. The site is http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home.html.
God bless.

Life keeps going

2006-10-25T15:26:00.000-07:00

I just wrote that title because I couldn't think of something better. As I read thru the blogs I like, I realize that the blogging craze might be dying down. These folks used to post almost daily, and now, it seems to be monthly and a few every 2-3 months! I certainly don't post often, just every 2-3 weeks.

I signed up another little boy to sponsor at Compassion. He had been waiting over a year for a sponsor and that was kind of sad. You can search by longest waiting. Anyway, he has a pretty good sponsor now. I have been sewing cross stitch projects for all my kids. Making little Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, or Mickey Mouse pictures. They are pretty small. they have to be, they have to fit in an envelope! I like sewing them, and I hope the kids like them. 187 days til Peru! I made a payment for the tour on monday, half down half to go.

Last week I got my second highest score in bowling, a 184. The other two games were a 129 and a 142, pretty good, especially when you know that my average was 127. It won't be any more!! I am thinking it will go up to a 131, which will be my highest average ever. I have been bowling pretty good lately. I hope it carries thru tonight.

I am going to a training in South Carolina next month. It's a free one on trial advocacy. I can't wait. Well, most of me can't. We perform. We wear our suits and do parts of the trial and the instructors critique us. You have to be pretty secure to do that, and learn instead of get depressed. Also, because I have gained about 20 pounds in the past 3 years, I can only fit into 3 of my trial suits!! Because I have been prosecuting kids, and don't do jury trials currently, it didn't matter. But I need to find two more suits that fit in the 21 days I have left before I go!! Sigh. I hate clothes shopping. I worked so hard and long to find a good wardrobe of suits and now they don't fit. That is one part of getting older that I definately don't like! So this weekend the plan is to go to the outlets and search until I drop. ICK!!! Oh and most of the weight went into my tummy, so, in certain clothes it actually looks like I am pregnant. Now that is truly not fair. I have never been, nor will I ever be, pregnant. Yet I have the side effect. ICK again.

God bless

October already

2006-10-06T16:35:00.000-07:00

It's October, and yet time seems to be going slowly. I think it's just that I can't hardly wait for April, when I go on a Compassion Sponor tour with my mom to Peru. How exciting is that? I can't believe I am taking my mom to a foreign country! Actually, at this point, I'd just settle for some more details about the trip, like what airport we are flying out of, so I can get our tickets to that city. Or the final price, it's still says tentative price on the website. Or how many projects we will be visiting or.....well, I am a lawyer so questions are my game. The web says that the deposit is due by today, the 6th, so maybe on Tuesday, there will be some more details! I hope so! (only 196 days to go!)

In the meantime, I have to start shopping for Christmas. I think this is a gift card year!!!

God bless.

Thailand

2006-09-19T11:17:00.000-07:00

I heard on the radio, KLOVE, today that there is a coup going on in Thailand. This causes me concern. I sponsor a child in Thailand. She lives in a pretty southern part and not near Bangkok, but the military wanting to oust the PM, it seems with the support of their king, and the PM declaring a state of emergency, doesn't make for a stable country. So please pray that all of the Compassion sites will be safe, and that all the kids, are unharmed by this coup.

God Bless.

Sigh

2006-08-29T15:33:00.000-07:00

So this is just a bad year. A very bad year, a horrendous year. One of my friends is struggling with bad things, which just keep coming, she doesn't seem to get a break. As soon as she just starts to process one bad thing another happens. And none are of her own making, other people making poor choices hurting her and her family.

Then we have issues with my office. My prior boss resigned because of a ton of negative articles being written about him. Then one of or offices caught fire and burned up. We managed to find a place for all those people, in our other 3 offices, but it was tight. And we were using desks of people on vacation or medical leave. Today, it was raining in my office building, and yes I said raining INSIDE my building. The restroom upstairs had water running all night, and it soaked thru the floor and the stuff that makes up our ceiling and it rained. Luckily for me, my office is fine. Unfortunately, the clerks area is not, and a couple of offices aren't. We had 4 people that moved in from the office that burned and now they, and the rest of us have to move out. For a week or two. I don't like feeling displaced. Half of my office is in my car, becuase I wasn't sure when it would stop raining and I didn't want things to get ruined. The other half, well there are health concerns so we aren't allowed back in til it's cleaned up and the carpet is replaced. SIGH. I am taking the office (starting tomorrow) of a clerk that had already been displaced from the burned office. They are moving her again, so I can have an office instead of just a desk in the clerks area (she is a legal secretary) SIGH. And our poor new boss, what a time to start, his first day, literally was dealing with the fire and that was just last month.

Please pray that the year gets better for my office, and my friends!

God bless

Vacation is over

2006-08-11T14:20:00.000-07:00

I got back from my summer trip to Nebraska on Tuesday, and I am SO very thankful. On Thursday all heck broke loose at the airports and what I had in my carry on, well they wouldn't have let me keep it there, I had all my toiletries in a makeup bag in my carry on, shampoo's, lotions, etc. My mom also is probably going Thank God alot!

It was a nice visit. My bro got married to a pretty cool lady. I like her. I guess there is a reservation inside me, I just don't want my bro to get hurt again like his ex hurt him. I can tell she loves my bro, and that he loves her, I just hope that this marriage is ordained by God.

They are expecting a child, to be born in late december. Between them, they will have 8 kids!! Her 2 girls are so adorable. And they seem to fit in well with all of the Bro's kids. That is a good thing.

I also got to see my college buddies again. We went to the zoo, with their kids too. I always enjoy seeing them. It was a short visit, my mom got a little freaked, because she only gets to see me twice a year and she didn't want me gone too long.

I gave both my bro and my parents a christian book, called Love and Respect. Our counselor pastor talked about the book in a 3 service series at church. If all those reading this could pray that all 4 of them would read it and learn from it, I would greatly appreciate it. I know my parents love each other, they just don't know how to talk to each other anymore. I can see that both are sad.

Oh, and school starts on Monday here in my world. Since I live across the street from the high school, it makes a difference in drive time to work for me, so vacation is truly over. Til Christmas, how many days til then.....?

God bless

A birthday present from God

2006-07-18T10:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I turned 37. I had a pretty good birthday, even if I was at work. But my best present came when I got home. I went to get my mail and I got 3 letters from my Compassion kids! One from the Philippines, one from Thailand and the last from Nahum in El Salavador! I love God's timing what a perfect birthday gift, to get letters from my kids! The one from Nahum especially, I had been waiting to get one since I visited him in El Salvador! I wanted to see what he would say.

Here's what he wrote (as translated by the Compassion staff):
Receive greeting from your little friend Nahum. Let me tell you that I enjoyed very much the place where you took me. I was so excited to share with you. I loved to be in the sliders and the swimming pool with waves. Did you enjoy the place? I had lots of fun. Thank you for the lovey gifts you brought me. My mom is taking good care of her kitchen stuff and I am taking care of my beautiful ball (I got him a soccer ball) I received your letters and the pictures (of our trip to the water park) Please pray for me always, with love Nahum.

Isn't that very wonderful? I get teary when I read it. He is such a reserved little kid, it was hard to tell what he was thinking while we were at the park. I love him so. I love all my kids.

Laddawan, from Thailand, in her very first letter is already asking me to visit!! Wow. She is pretty smart. She is 15. Rowena is in the Philippines and she turns 11 on the 29th of July. She called me Aunt in the greeting of the letter. And included a bible verse! Jeremiah 42:3 {go look it up! : ) }

The days leading up to my birthday were a bit strange and kinda changed my world. I think I can safely put this here, even tho' it's work related because it's been in the paper and on the local news. Our Big Boss, who decided not to run for reelection and was retiring in Dec. 06, has been in the papers alot since the beginning of the year. Someone at the paper didn't like him, I think. They were all negative articles that called into question his ethics. He was in a car accident last Tuesday and last Friday, for the good of the office, he resigned effective on my birthday. SO the DA-elect will take over sooner than planned. But there is more!!!!! On Sunday morning, around 7:30 am, I got a call from a friend. Well, I need to back up a bit here. The district attorney's office here, is actually housed in four different locations. We couldn't all fit into one office!! Anyway, our felony office is in the courthouse. There were 13 people in that office. and there are 3 courtrooms in that building. So I get the call, and my friend tells me that the courthouse is on fire!!!!!!!!!!!!! I came down town about 8:45 to check it out. A big portion of our felony office is completely gone. Three of the atty offices were saved and the rest of the court house is intact, albeit with a lot of smoke damage. No one is sure when we will be able to use those 3 courtrooms again. Here's a link to a picture in the Merced sun starhttp://www.mercedsunstar.com/local/story/12463486p-13182743c.html

So, my office just got a bit packed 2 attys and two clerks were moved in and we are the "new" felony clearing zone. The offices in this building have walls, but the don't quite go all the way to the ceiling, they are better than the dilbert cubicles, but....you can hear everything!! So lots of changes for the beginning of my 37th year in life!

God bless

10 days and counting!

2006-07-13T13:59:00.001-07:00

Hmm. I didn't realize it had been that long since I posted. I thought it was just last week.

Anyway, in 10 days my mom gets here!!! Yeah!! On July 23rd. And then on the 31st we fly together to NE, where my brother lives. He is getting married on August 4th. And on Aug 6th (I think that is the date we picked) I get to hang out with some college friends.

Mom and I do this trip every summer, except it's backwards this year. Usually we go to Bro's house first, then to my house then mom goes home. We had already asked our respective employers for the time off when Bro informed us of the wedding date. So we had to switch the order. My bro has 5 kids, his fiance has 2 kids. Before, with just the 5 kids, mom and I always felt the need to "rest" after the hectic pace my bro and his family maintained. So that's why we would go there first. I also usually get to spend my birthday with my family, but due to various scheduling issues, I will be working on my birthday for the first time in many years! {there's a hint for you CyberJazz ;) }

I really need the vacation. I am a bit stressed and need to relax. Especially with my mom. Next to Jesus, she is truly my best friend, and my hero.

God bless.

Tired today

2006-06-28T14:15:00.000-07:00

Last night, I stayed up way too late reading a fantasy book, called Poison Study. I bought it on a whim, it was a new author and I have so many favorites that keep writing that I don't need to find new ones!! But it had an interesting blub and an interesting title. Monday night, I read a couple of chapters and then went to bed. (I almost always read for 10-15 min before bed) Last night, I went into the bedroom at 10 pm and planned on reading a couple of chapters, the next thing I knew it was 11:10. And I thought, well I have to get thru this intense spot, so five more minutes. The next thing I knew it was 12:30 and the only reason I stopped then was because I was so tired that the words on the page were blurring. I got up and finished the book this morning, but I am paying the price! I am exhausted!

A few more words on Treasure Hunters, I am still watching for those amazon points! This week the pastor tricked another team. The other team, Southie Boys (from South Boston-think Good Will Hunting) were very nice and helped the pastor's team carry their canoe for 3 miles!! They agreed to "team up" and the pastor tricked them into getting out of the river at the wrong point. The pastor said I think this is the spot, lets all get out and check. The Southie's did, the pastor didn't and on down the river they went! And at one point the daughter said I feel bad about what we did, let's pray for the other teams, and the mom prayed thanks God for helping us, please continue to help us. And absolutely nothing about the other teams!! Sigh. No wonder so many people have the wrong idea about christians. I should probably stop watching, despite the points.
God bless

Television/treasure Hunters

2006-06-19T10:27:00.000-07:00

I am a member of several survey sites. One, E-Poll, is concerned with mostly television/movies. I received a survey from them, and when I finished it asked that I watch the show Treasure Hunters and I would get many many points. (points get me amazon gift certificates, which I just love!) So, even tho' I had not been planning on watching the series, for those points, I would.

So I tuned in on Sunday night. It's actually not that bad. I imagine it's a bit like the Amazing Race. There are teams of 3. One team consists of a Minister, his wife and his daughter. At some point, they do a little mini commentary from them, and the Minister says, well if we have to lie, we will "stretch the truth". A disturbing comment from a minister.

It got worse. The Minister's team was in third place. Another group, with a girl, was in second. She dove into the cove, picked up the little chest, brought it back to the surface, opened it, and the Minister reached in and took her clue!!!!!!!!!! She tried to get it back, but he must have been stronger. He is so overwhelmed by greed that he is willing to steal! After that, his team moved into second and they all were oh so very proud of his stealing the clue.

I am not perfect. I don't claim to be. People watching me may not see a model christian. But I am not a preacher, lying and stealing on national tv!!! I was horrified at his actions and, had I been a member of his church, I would be looking for a new church today. How could I listen to sermons from him, on following Jesus, lessons on following the 10 commandments, lessons on serving God and manna, and how you can't do both? He may have moved into second place in the race, but I think he may have lost a portion of his parrish, and pushed some of those on the fence about God, off, and onto the side of disbelief. A very costly decision on his part, the problem is, someone else may pay that price.

God bless

yesterday

2006-06-15T14:49:00.000-07:00

yesterday was not such a great day. Work stuff, so I won't go into it. Yesterday evening was much better.

I still bowl on Wednesday's. My team won all 4 games yesterday. And I can honestly say I contributed!!! My average is about 122. My first game I got a 133. Pretty good. I am always happy when I bowl above my average. My second game I got three strikes in a row, something I have only done 3 or 4 times in my many years of bowling!! That, and a bit of luck with spares got me to a score of 172 in the ninth frame. My high game ever, was 181. I bowled the first ball in the 10th and got 7 pins, so I make a mistake and look at the score board. I am now at 179, I have to get the spare to beat my high game. Here's where I usually choke and blow it. I bowl and get the 3!! so I have a 182 and another ball to throw!! I ended up with a 190, which is definately my high game ever! The last game was a 142, also pretty good. When I got the 181, last year, the third game tanked I got less than 100!! So, a really decent night! 200 here I come!!

God bless

A new photo

2006-06-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

Ok. Forget the grad photo. I can never remember to do that when I am at home! A friend from the El Salvador trip just emailed me a photo she took of me while I was painting suncatchers with the kids at a project. We were told if we wanted to bring a project to do we could and so I brought 30 suncatchers and paint to do with the kids. I didn't plan very well. The suncatchers came in kits, 10 to a kit and one paintbrush and one set of paints!! Well, the kids took the paints (all but one that I snagged) and the paintbrushes and well, the rest of us shared the one I kept, and broke in half, and used our fingers. They were all religious suncatchers.

The picture really made me smile, If you look closely you can see my tongue sticking out a tiny tiny bit. Grammy (my Dad's mother) used to stick her tongue out in the corner of her mouth when she was doing crossword puzzles. I guess a little of that stuck with me!

God bless.

Graduation part II

2006-06-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

The graduation ceremony wasn't too bad. It was overcast, so we didn't fry. I got to the school at about 10 til 5 pm. The gates opened at 5:30 and the ceremony started at 7. I wanted a good seat. I was two rows back from the graduates. They were sitting sideways to us. The two rows in front of me were for teachers and staff and only one of them filled up. Unfortunatly, I misjudged the road Brit would be sitting in so I wasn't completely in line with her, but I had some pretty good views. I was so proud of her!

One of the speakers started her speech by saying, think back to the 80's when you were born, at time when notes were passed in class instead of text messages, when you were out of touch for hours at time because you didn't have cell phones, when you carried around a tape player with head phones for music instead of an ipod that was small enough to hide from your teachers! She had a few other tidbits too, that I can't remember. Made me feel a bit old, and gave me an awareness of just how much has changed! Research was done in libraries, not on the internet. I called all of the airlines to find the best deal on tickets, instead of spending 10 minutes at orbitz or Kayak.com. I had to get directions from people, which could have problems, instead of printing maps from the computer. It is a different world. I graduated high school in 1987!!! Some of these graduates weren't even born yet. Sigh.

I attempted to post a picture of brit and I, but I can't seem to pull it off the web. Tonight, I'll edit this post and add it from my home computer. I am really starting to hate pictures of myself. My face is so oily that the flash reflects off it and it looks terrible.

God bless

Graduation

2006-06-01T15:46:00.000-07:00

There are two high schools in the town where I live and in the districts infinite "wisdom" both are graduating on the same night, tonight. I saw a few extra cops just start a shift and realized that graduation means worries for the police, and most likely I will be getting a host of police reports to read next week.

I am actually going to one of the grads! I am not really a fan of these things, they are long and boring. But, one of "my" girls is graduating. I have been her "unofficial" mentor ever since she was in the eighth grade. I tutored her in Algebra and she needed an adult in her life that she could talk to, someone outside her family. She is a great kid. Smart, and trying to rise above her troubled youth. She's actually the one who introduced me to the church I love!! I am very proud of her.

On a sadder note, the earthquake in Indonesia over the weekend was horrible. I sponsor a girl there, Arlita, and she is fine and so is her project. I went to the Compassion website, and 11 projects were damaged/destroyed and too many sponsored kids no longer have homes. And very sadly, 3 sponsored kids were killed. Please pray.

(Photo from Friday project in El Salvador)

God bless

finally answering a "tag"

2006-05-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

CyberJazzDaddy "tagged" me back in March. I was to eager to post about El salvador, the photos, the excitement, my new life changes to answer it then. But I am ready now.

Four Jobs I have had:
1) Delivering Pizzas for Pizza Hut
2) Working at my law school library
3) working at Barnes and Noble
4) Working for a telemarketing company in college. I called and asked people to renew their magazine subscriptions. For someone who HATES talking on the phone this was a challenge.

Four Movies I can watch over and over
1) Ever After
2) Any and all of the Star Wars
3) Noises off
4) Gone with the Wind (although I do put a few years in between watching)
Honorable mention: the tv series M*A*S*H I never tire of watching it!! but it's not a movie.

Four places I have lived
Only list 4??
1) Garden City South Carolina
2) Strafford, Missouri (aka Misery)
3) Lincoln, Nebraska, in dorm rooms!!
4) Quincy, Massachuttes

Four tv shows I have loved:
1) M*A*S*H (should have read ahead before I did the honorable mention, oh well)
2) China Beach
3) Fame
4) Scarecrow and Mrs. King

Hmm, again only 4???

Four places I have vacationed
1) cruise to Alaska
2) Omaha Nebraska (my brother's house)
3) El Salvador
4) Fort Lauderdale (my parent's house)

Four of my favorite dishes
1) lobster
2) sushi--but tuna rolls only!! otherwise I just do the veggie ones
3) popcorn
4) chocolate

Four sites I visit daily:
1) yahoo, for email
2) blogger friends
3) rewardtv
4) not really daily but frequently tvshowsondvd.com

Four places I'd rather be:
1) I wouldn't mind it being April 2007 and being in Peru on a compassion tour
2) anywhere with my Mom, it doesn't matter where!!
3) At my brother's wedding (coming soon, in August)
4) at the beach, I love the beach!!!

Four bloggers I am tagging
well, I'm not. I don't think I have 4 people that read my blog and at least one who does tagged me!!

Cars

2006-05-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

So, last night I turn on my car in the parking lot behind my office. It starts. The radio doesn't work, which is odd. It seems frozen. I hit the on/off button a few times and start to drive. I make a left turn out of the parking lot, and the radio starts to work. I go about a block and my car flashes the check engine light, slows and then STOPS COMPETELY. Nothing, no lights, no radio, no power locks, no air conditioning, no horn!! It the half a second of warning that I have I turn the wheel to the curb and it goes that direction a tiny bit. I am not completely blocking the road, just partially. Luckily, my friend from work hasn't left yet, so I call and he and a deputy sheriff stop by and push my car to the curb.

This morning I have it towed. Thank God, all it was is a very dead battery. I had it for 5 years so I guess that's good. The guy at the garage said that batteries tend to last 2-3 years now!! So I took the car, with a loaner battery from the garage, to sears and got a new battery. The old was was still under a partial warranty and I got $25 off the price of the new one. Not bad. I am just relieved that it wasn't something super expensive!!

In other news, my brother plans on remarrying in August. Sort of expected. His announcement that his beloved is pregnant was not expected. I had hoped they would at least wait til they were married before they got pregnant!! The baby is due in January. He has 5 kids of his own from his first marriage (what a strange thing to have to start saying!!) and she has 2 from her first marriage!! So he can now have his own 8 is enough show. Or a bigger version of the brady bunch?? Jokes aside, I am happy that my bro has found someone to love, someone who loves him. And I am happy for them and the new baby! I think he needs a bigger house tho'!! My mom and I are going to try to be there for the wedding. Dad had already bought plane tickets to go there the first week of June. My parents have a parakeet that they love dearly and would probably die if they were both gone at the same time, so they never travel together anyway.

Another child in El salvador. One of the sponsors, a college kid, kept sticking his toungue out at this kid, so he responded!

God bless.

So what do I call this post? a mishmash?

2006-05-11T14:29:00.000-07:00

Kids are graduating high school on June 1st. My girls, in Life Hurts God heals graduate tonight. Then we are done for the summer. It is already in the 90's and I love the warm weather.

Last night was the end of the "winter" bowling league. It was sweeps night. Which means a great deal of money is given to the team with the most total pins from 3 games bowled that night. The 2nd place, 3rd etc all get $ too. Even the lowest total pins gets something. And you divide that money the team gets by 4 (the # of people on the team) Well. My team got the highest total pins and won $100 each!!!!!!!! This was with no thanks to me since over all I bowled about 20 pins below my average, but the rest of my team just rocked!! It came down to the last frame too. We only won by 20 pins!! We were all pretty excited! In two weeks the summer league starts and 3 of us are back for more fun! We have to find a new 4th tho, one person is moving away.

There is also quite a bit of sadness surrounding me. It's not my family, but a friend's family. I really can't say more, but they need alot of prayer!

The photo is from El Salvador, isn't he sweet?

Ongoing realizations

2006-05-04T14:30:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been awhile since I posted. I have been at conferences a few hours away from where I live for 3 days at the beginning of two consecutive weeks. They were work related.

I am still excited and wanting to spin in circles! My life seems so peaceful now, so joyous, so amazing. Last weekend, I finally put together my El Salvador photo album. You know, the old fashioned kind, where the photos go in plastic in a book? I included photos from other people's websites and from the Compassion photo disc that I got. I have 296 photos in there!! It was fun to put together and remember everything. Not that I am likely to ever forget my amazing experience.

I apologized to God this morning, actually, I have apologized a few times. For being so consumed by my own desires that I forgot to listen to Him. It's a good thing God understands us so well!! I had the oddest thought the other day, and again this morning. The thought was "I don't want children" Something I NEVER thought I could say and mean. But now I do, because God has filled my heart with love for the children of the world. His children, who need love, who need to hear His Word, who need to know that they matter and are special. What an awesome thing that God can accomplish this goal, fulfill this need thru me.

God bless

A child shall lead them

2006-04-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

This is the little girl that I hugged on Wednesday in El Salvador. The little girl that changed my life and let me hear God's voice. This is the first time we hugged. It was the second time, she came back, that I cried and listened. I got the photo cd from Compassion and this was the only one of her and I on it.
God bless

More on the new dream

2006-04-12T10:51:00.000-07:00

I was considering this the other day, really thinking about it. And several things hit me. When I talked to my mom on Sunday, she said that God was just telling her heart that Compassion and the kids was the way for me to go. My mom is very important to me, and her confirmation of this new direction for my life (well, God thru her) is very important to me. Also, several of my friends have also shared their valuable opinion with me and confirm God's plan for me.

Next, 2 months ago, money was an issue. I was trying to figure out how to rent/buy a house, save 10 to 20,000 to adopt a child, pay day care costs, and still pay my student loans. Honestly, I believed that adoption was God's plan, so he would have to give me a miracle to get there. I pretty much was waiting for the miracle. And stressing about the money and growing older etc. I got a miracle. Just different than I thought. I held a child full of love and a heart for Jesus and heard what God really wanted me to do. I was fighting so hard and so long for my dream, that I convinced myself that it was His plan. I was wrong. With that realization, I have plenty of money! I am no longer worried about putting as much into savings as I possibly can (to pay for the adoption) For the first time since 1987, when I signed the first student loan document, I can honestly say I am not worried about finances. That's a miracle too. I have always wanted to have extra money to take my Dad to Austria, to help my brother, and to help my friends. And now I can do that. And feeling great, to be free from the stress, to finally understand what God wants and that I was capable of doing it. Because as much as I wanted a child I couldn't see how I would get there. I wasn't capable. (and yes, I took this from part of an email I sent to a friend!)

God is just so awesome, I wanted to share!
God bless

Photos from El Salvador

2006-04-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

Click here to view photos

That's the link for my photos!! Don't do slide show. If you click on the first one, then the next button at the top of the screen you can read my comments for each photo. If you do slide show, you can't see the comments. Kinda a bad thing, but oh well!.

God bless

Joy

2006-03-31T13:51:00.000-08:00

So, guess what I did today? I bought a lot of stickers. Why you might ask? because the kids at the Compassion projects love stickers. I just can't wait to go on another trip! Last night, in my Life Hurts God Heals meeting (for teens, I am a group leader) in the general meeting with all of us, I wanted to start dancing and felt such amazing joy. Yep, I think this path is the right one. God gives you joy and peace when you are walking His path.

I think I was on the path before. I just was stuck. I wasn't moving forward, or backward. I hadn't stepped off the path, just was standing there. Trying to hear His voice, trying to see the path. Now, I am dancing down it!

Mom said if I go to Peru with Compassion, she would go with me, so this weekend I will pick up a fifth child, in Peru. The next tour to Peru is in April 2007!! How can I stand to wait that long? In 3 more years, my vacation time increases from 3 weeks a year to 4 weeks a year, plus 12 comp days and 1 personal day. When that happens maybe I can do 2 tours a year!!!

Skip the house too. My apartment is huge compared to the houses in El Salvador. And it's just me!!! That will save a ton of money and allow me to go to these wonderful places where God is working His wonders and His love shines thru all the beautiful faces of His precious children.

God bless

I am back from El Salvador, Sigh.

2006-03-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

I really don't have words to describe the experience. Other than I don't really want to be back.

One of the Compassion workers in El Salvador said that when you hug the kids at the projects (a different meaning there than here) you are hugging Jesus. I believe that. They were so very awesome and I am even more impressed with Compassion than I was before I went.

I also might need a bit of prayer conformation on the new direction my life is about to take. For many years now I have talked about adopting a child. I have never managed to get around to doing it, or even really taking active steps towards that goal. I have wanted to be a mom since I was 12!

Anyway, on Wednesday morning in the Puerta Libertdad project, I was hugging this little girl named Miryela. And I was crying. A lot. And I had a thought, that maybe this is what God wanted me to do, sponsor tons of kids all over the world and go visit one of them every year. I could help bring so many to Christ that way, I could help so many out of poverty and suffering that way. Instead of helping one child, I could help the world. By Friday I was pretty sure I was right. I couldn't (and still can't) image never doing a trip like that again. If I adopt, as a single parent with student loans, I would never be able to visit another child I sponsored again. And while part of my heart is breaking, because I am saying goodbye to my daughter (I wrote a letter to her) I am also crying in joy, for finally understanding God's plan for my life. I told my Mom and she said that she had a dream that I spent the rest of my life doing this, sponsoring and visiting kids. She had the dream when I was in El Salvador. And she started crying.

Anyway, (again) a bit of prayers from others and confirmation that this is God's path for me would be nice!

I was so touched by one of the girls I met Monday, Sara, that I had to sponsor her too. I pulled her aside and found out that she didn't have a sponsor and that afternoon they found her information and I became her sponsor. Also, they arranged to have her join Nahum and I at the water park on Tuesday! How impressive is that!! When the staff told her why she was standing there with a bunch of adults surrounding her, that I wanted to be her sponsor, she got a huge smile and said yes, I want her to be my sponsor. How can anything be better than that?

As soon as I download my pictures to the computer and figure out flicker I will post a link to the photos.

God bless.

Almost here

2006-03-03T11:18:00.000-08:00

In less than 2 weeks, I will be on my way to Florida and then to El Salvador and the adventure of my lifetime!! (so far anyway) I am going with Compassion International, a christian group that sponsors kids in Church schools. I sponsor Nahum. He is 11.

While in El Salvador, I will be spending time at a school and playing with the kids, I will be spending the day with Nahum at a water park and a day building houses in an area devestated by a hurricane (stan) last year.

I have been having a blast buying stuff for the kids! Candy, games, stickers, puzzles, crayons etc. And stuff for Nahum and his family. I don't think there will be much room in my suitcases for clothes!!!

I am so very excited, I can hardly wait. And as a bonus, the group is flying out of Miami, so I am flying into Ft. lauderdale and spending a few days with my parents. That's pretty cool. It would be quicker to get to El Salvador from California (where I live) or even Dallas (which is where they flew out of last year) but, the parents factor makes it cool.

Everyone seems a little worried about me going there, but all our activities are day trips and we will be returning to San Salvador (the capitol) every night and staying here. Not exactly roughing it!! I will have a roommate tho, and I hope we get along ok. I haven't had a roommate in 7 years so this should be interesting!

Oh and for this wonderful trip, I am considering buying a digital camera, a new world for me!! I borrowed one from a friend last summer, and it was pretty cool. I have to get a waterproof throwaway camera for the waterpark, that way I don't have to keep running to the rest area to take pictures!

God bless

Weekend w/ a friend

2006-02-22T16:30:00.000-08:00

I went to San Jose on Friday and came back to my little town on Sat eve. I made it back just in time for chuch!! I went straight there, didn't even stop at home first.

On Friday night, Cord and I watched the Corpse Bride on dvd. Neither of us had managed to see it at the theatre and we enjoyed watching it. We were both pretty exhausted from the busy weeks we had so we went to bed about 11 pm. I managed to sleep in til 9!!! what a miracle. Usually on weekends I get up pretty much the same time as a weekday, my body is too used to being up! So that was good.

We went and had brunch at a healthy food place called Hobbies. They have pretty good food. We tend to go there alot. Then we browsed at Barnes and Noble til the movie Firewall started. Good flick. Harrison Ford is still really great to watch!! And he did almost all of his own stunts! He also said on the Today show that Indy IV will be coming!!

Then we went to Macaroni Grill for an early dinner. Also a place we normally go. I love their food. Neither eatery exist in my town.

We exhanged Christmas presents. I got her 365 days of Star Wars and she bought me a dvd documentary about the Lord of the Rings. It's not about the making of it, but about how it impacted people. She is ON the DVD!!! Her "troupe" makes costumes and performs at SciFi conventions and ComicCom. They win awards. She writes the music and does the chorography. They did one for Lord of the Rings and ended up performing it at the oscar party for the cast of Lord of the Rings. So, she ended up, briefly, on the dvd. She also gave me a cd-rom with all the video's of all her performances over the past few years! I have to find time to watch that!! I have seen the Lord of the Rings one, it's pretty awesome!

I always love going to see Cord and catching up. I am thrilled that she ended up living just a few hours away. She is a great gal, very talented and very smart and fun to hang out with.

God bless

One of those days

2006-02-16T15:30:00.000-08:00

I just love (you are hearing tons of sarcasm right now) days when my alarm doesn't work! I normally just up at 7 am. When I get up, I turn the heat on in the living room, wander into the kitchen, grab a yogurt, put water in a mug and heat it for tea. When tea is ready, I go sit in the living room and eat my yogurt and drink my green tea and watch the Today show until about 7:15. Then I go take my shower and get ready for work.

Today, there was a niggling thought in my mind while I slept, that it seemed late. I wondered why I hadn't heard alarm. I reluctantly opened my eyes and stared at horror at the clock, it was 7:25!!! Not only did I have to skip my slow waking up and tea, I was behind on the shower part. I moved quick! I actually made it to work only 3 min late (which actually is normal for me) but it kinda messes up my whole day because I didn't have my morning routine. Hopefully, tomorrow will go better.

Speaking of tomorrow, I am driving to visit a friend in San Jose. We have been friends since college (18 years now). So I should have a good weekend!

God bless

Holidays

2006-02-10T13:31:00.000-08:00

The good thing about February, is my job. You see, we get both lincolns and presidents day off, which equals to paid holidays in an already short month. This year, we get two Mondays in a row off, two 3 day weekends in a row!! I love it. The other good thing about this month is the weather starts getting a little warmer, the rain has made everything so beautifully green and I take one of those 6 days and enjoy a 2 hour drive to the beach. I go to Capitola, a cute little beach community that hosts wine and art festivals and a castle building contest in the summer. I enjoy the bright green mountains, the waves crashing on the rocks, the sushi lunch, a day marveling at God's beauty, how he paints the world for us to enjoy. I come back, feeling much better. I will be taking this annual trip tomorrow. (actually, I go there about 7 times a year, but one is ALWAYS in Feb.)

God Bless.

This time of year

2006-02-02T13:35:00.000-08:00

I will start out by saying that this rant I am about to write is a bit selfish, and self-centered, I know that, but I need to vent anyway.

I hate this time of year. From January to May is a very dangerous time. I dread the phone ringing at unexpected times, as it did this morning. It's never something good. It's always something sad.

This morning, my mom called to tell me that Aunt Linda's mom Marge died. Now, Linda is related by marriage, so Marge isn't related to me, but I did know her fairly well since she lived with Linda and Kevin and the kids for 16-17 years!! She was always there.

I am sad she is gone, I am sad for My Aunt Linda and the cousins (3) . But...and here comes the rant...I am PISSED at GOD.

I moved to my current town in 99. And almost every year since then, in the months from Jan to May, someone I know had DIED and each year I beg God to just please give me one year without someone dying, one year without pain. In April of 99, it was my Uncle Kevin (yes the one mentioned above). March 2000, my friend Jim, January 2001= Nana, (small gap here, it was in 2003, I started praying) March 2003= Poppop, April 2004, Officer Stephan and as a "bonus" Ann, my clerk for the first 2 years here, died in August 2004, January 2005 a four week old child of a friend of mine, and Feb 2006, Marge. I have lost 3 family members in the past 7 years, My Aunt and cousins 4 family members in the past 7 years.

I just need it to stop. I just need a break. I think God is misjudging what I can handle. Just a week and a half ago, I was thinking about this time of year, and hoping that I could make it to May without that terrible phone call. I am very angry.

And I know that they are in Heaven, and it's better. Yeah yeah yeah. BUT I AM MAD!!! I really just want to start smashing in windows and screaming. I want people to stop dying!

And maybe, just maybe, part of the anger is due to me being a bit jealous. I want to go home too. And God leaves me here.

Todd Agnew

2006-01-30T14:47:00.000-08:00

Our church sponsored Todd Agnew in concert on the 28th, at discount prices! only $15 a ticket. The church was packed. I took my new mentee IM. She's very sweet. She is 16 and working on getting her driver's license. We had a pretty good time. Todd Agnew is very funny. He spent as much time talking to us as he did singing, which was just fine because he was funny and humble. And kind of right on point about alot of things. Like clapping when someone says something true about Jesus, but not changing anything about their life. He doesn't really care for clapping.

I also saw a movie, End of the Spear. I have been waiting for the movie for about 3-4 years! I first heard about it at a Steven Curtis Chapman concert, where Steve Saint and Mikanue (spelling?) were on stage! It was a good movie. You could get the main point, God forgives all things, and true christians can forgive all things (Steve Saint forgave Mikanue for killing his father. He lives in Ecuador w/ Mikanue and his family!) but I thought it would be more spelled out! When it was discussed at the concert it was so clear that I started crying. But the movie is still good and worth seeing.

God Bless

The wedding

2006-01-24T14:39:00.000-08:00

So, it's done. They are married. It was an interesting experience. The wedding was supposed to start at 2, it started sometime after 3:15. I froze, as did everyone else. I was shivering! and I still have my cold, Sunday was pretty bad, the freezing set my recovery back.

The groom had 2 girls from a prior marriage. The best part of the ceremony was when the Pastor said that the new parents were committing to a family and kids and gave commitment rings to the 2 girls (very pretty diamond platinum) The girls were so excited and the older one (11, and 9) almost cried. It was so very sweet.

I had to safety pin the top part on the back of my dress, the snap kept popping. Unfortunately, when I was dancing at the reception, the pin kept popping too. Some very nice people always pinned it back together for me. The reception went pretty good. The food was awesome. The dinner part started pretty late too. The head table went first, and thank goodness I was at the head table, the line moved VERY slow. The line went right by the head table so all the staving guests got to watch us eat!

I flirted with a guy in line he was really cute. Then he dropped his name and I bet I made a really icky face. His last name is not a common one and I knew instantly he must be related to a defense atty in my county, a defense atty no one can stand. He confirmed that he was the guy's son. We kept talking a bit longer, til the gap between him and the person in front of him was too big to ignore. It was kind of fun. I don't flirt very much, or very well, but it seemed to be going ok. He left before the dancing started tho. Oh well. After the icky face, he might not have wanted to talk to me anymore anyway.

God bless.

Winter Colds

2006-01-19T14:11:00.000-08:00

So, the past two days I went home sick at lunch. I have a winter cold. I thought I would be safe from them since I was VERY sick just before Thanksgiving. I usually only get one illness a winter season. Nope, just because I have to stand outdoors for a few hours for a wedding, I have to go and get sick! I have to get better by tomorrow night (the rehearsal dinner). Sigh. I still have to get shoes, but a friend has offered to lend me a pair of hers, I have worn them before so I know they fit! I was trying to find closed toed ones, so I wouldn't be completely frozen, but no luck. It will be about 52 degrees out on Sat. Not my kind of weather. I like about 85!

God bless.

So little time

2006-01-10T14:59:00.000-08:00

Donna's wedding is in less than 2 weeks, and she still seems a bit behind in preparation, but I have faith that it will all come together just fine. I tried on the dress I ordered yesterday, and it fit...barely!! No more snacks for me til the wedding! I have to find a pair of silver shoes. Donna booked a Hair/Makeup salon for us on the 21st and we are all getting hair and makeup applied. I hope they don't put it on too heavy. I also hope they give me the tube of lipstick they use on me. I can't stand lipstick and I chew it off within minutes of putting it on. I am going to try really hard not to do that, but I better have the lipstick so I can fix it. The dress comes with a little purse so I can put it, a little mirror, a camera, my keys and my driver's license in there! I am so glad that it comes with a purse.

Pray that it is warm and sunny on the 21st please, Donna wants an outdoor wedding, and I don't want to freeze!!!!

I am also frantically working to finish the cross stitch for their wedding present. It's a wreath and I am going to put in the middle, A fairytale romance (her wedding theme) their names and date and a Bible verse. (as soon as I can find one I like) I am at the backstitching stage (outlining the flowers and leaves and ribbons) and then have the letters to do. Then I have to figure out if I can frame it myself or let Michaels do it. They do a great job framing my cross stitch stuff, but that takes 2-3 weeks. If I let Michaels do it, I am going to take a photo of the cross stitch and put it in the card and tell them the actual picture will be there when they get back from their honeymoon. (3 weeks in Figi)

God bless.

Back in California

2006-01-04T08:48:00.000-08:00

So much for the hit or miss. Everytime I went to the library to check my email, I had SO MANY emails that I didn't have time to get to the blog. Each time, Mom or Dad, had already found their books and were waiting for me to just finish up the email! I didn't want to keep them waiting.

It was a very different sort of vacation. I went to the beach twice, went to all my second hand stores and found some pretty good deals. I even went bowling once with Mom. But it was all under a cloud. The stress and the worry underlined everything we did. The first Monday I was there, the 12th of Dec, Dad went and had an ultrasound on his arm. It was swollen. They found a blood clot and put him on this drug called cumiden (sp?) to prevent more blood clots. But the Dr. neglected to tell Dad that his Protime levels had to be checked regularly (every 4-5 days!!) so on Dec. 25th Dad wasn't feeling so great and he called the Dr.'s answering service. About 7 pm he got a call back and was told to go to the Emergency room to have his blood checked. So, on Christmas we all went to the hospital. They ran the test, and the Dr. said a normal person was a 1 and someone on plavix (as Dad is) should be a 2 and someone on plavix and cumiden should be a high 2 or a low 3. Dad was a 9!!!!!!!! He was very toxic and spent the next day and a half in the hospital, increasing everyone's stress level. He's fine now and his levels are being monitored.

God bless

Hit and miss

2005-12-09T08:54:00.000-08:00

I leave tomorrow for my parents house in Florida. I will be there til January 2nd of 2006! They don't have a computer! So my access to the blog world and internet is limited to the number of times I can get my mom to take me to the library (which will hopefully be at least once week)

I have also added a link on my website, to Thunderhorse Roughneck. That is a shortened version of his blog title. He is in the mililtary and serving in Iraq. I had him listed on my favorites page and realized this morning that I never added him to my blog links. Whatever any of my readers (all 2 of you?) think about the war in Iraq is irrelevant, there are men and women serving over there that deserve our respect and support. He, and many others, are far from their families during this holiday season, and my prayers are with them.

God bless.

Bowling

2005-12-08T13:31:00.000-08:00

I am on a bowling league. My average is 117. My high game ever was last year, a 181. I usually get between 110 and 130. Last night, I bowled my 3 games and got, 108, 160 and 178!! I was so happy. Two good games in one night is pretty astonishing for me and to get so close to my high score!

Of course, the folks I could brag about it were all in bed sleeping!

When I went home I had a nightmare about my dad dying. I didn't sleep too well after that. I talked to him this morning and he was just fine. He used to be a high school coach and his main sport was football, but for awhile he coached a bowling team and they went to the state champs, this was 30 years ago, but he was always a great bowler!

God bless and Merry Christmas!

A change in plans

2005-12-02T15:32:00.000-08:00

Well, finally news. They moved Dad to the heart specialty hospital this morning, and by 5:30 est, he had a defibulator installed, was back in his room and able to talk to me on the phone!! He gets to go home tomorrow. I am going to Florida on the 10th instead of the 17th. I need to see him. And mom is taking 2 weeks family medical leave and I'll be there to help with the second week. He can't drive for 2 weeks or really do anything! When I called to switch my plane ticket, I expected to have to pay the $50 fee. But the plane ticket I was changing to was cheaper than the original and they credited that against the 50, and so I only had to pay $14!! Pretty cool. I get an extra week with my parents.

Thank you God, that my dad is going to be ok.

God bless!

Still don't know

2005-12-01T13:57:00.000-08:00

Dad is being transferred to the heart hospital tomorrow. They still don't know what went wrong.
God bless

The new reality sucks

2005-11-30T09:33:00.000-08:00

This new world where my dad had a heart attack is not one I like. He went back in to the hospital last night. Yesterday, he had problems breathing and his heart rate went up to 150 beats, instead of the normal 80 or so. They took him to the hospital and gave him oxygen and have no idea what is wrong. The are giving him tests today and it's over 5 hours til I'll be able to talk to my mom again and find out if the doctor's have figured it out.

I am not really liking this holiday season. Some of my close friends found out their dog had cancer and they had to put him to sleep. A day later, (last night) those same friends found out that their brother in law is in the hospital for something that may be wrong with his pancreas. (like cancer?????) How can any of us feel the joy of the Christmas season (which I normally love, I have fun giving presents) when we are all so worried?

And yet, for all the worry, there are people in New Orleans that have nothing. There are people all over the world still way worse off than I. Sad things make me aware of just how many people are always sad. And it makes me wonder why God is waiting to come back. He should come now.

I'll write again, when I know something.

God bless.

Christmas shopping and less than 3 weeks til home

2005-11-28T09:38:00.000-08:00

So, the thanksgiving weekend was great for me. I got all my Christmas shopping done, except 2 presents. One is a dvd that comes out Dec. 6th and the other I am not sure what to get. I'll figure it out soon. And I didn't even get up way early on Friday, or stand in any lines!

On December 17, I go home for Christmas. My parents live in Florida. I live in California. But wherever my mom is, that's home. I can hardly wait. It feels different this year. Because of my Dad's heart attack. (He's fine, he had a heart check up last week and dr. said he didn't need to see him again for 6 mths. The heart is in great shape, it was just the clogged arteries and they weren't the super major ones!) I really need to see him. Then I'll know he's ok. Talking to him on the phone isn't enough. I need to give him a huge hug!

I am a little jumpy, when the phone rings at odd times my heart beats a bit faster for a minute. A new reality.

God bless.

happy thanksgiving

2005-11-23T08:27:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in for awhile. I have been busy with work and church and friends. And over the weekend thru yesterday (actually-today) I have had a really bad stomach flu. Sigh. I was worried I would miss thanksgiving. I am back at work today, but feeling a little shaky.

Happy thanksgiving to all! and happy shopping to those who brave the stores on friday.

God bless

Miracles and family

2005-11-09T11:29:00.000-08:00

I love how God can work scary things for good.

While talking to my brother on Sat. night, about dad's heart attack, Bro and I discussed my Uncle K., dad's bro.

UK and my dad haven't spoken since grammy died, 14 years ago. They were both grieving and UK said something stupid and my dad was really hurt and things went downhill from there. It has been a bit of a worry ever since. My dad refused to call UK and UK seemingly was refusing to call dad. When asked, dad would say I have no brothers. And he was pretty adamant about that. Despite that, mom had occasionally talked to them and I sent christmas cards back and forth.

So, Bro asked me if mom had called UK about dad's heart attack. I said not yet, but if she didn't I would. This seemed like a chance to repair the relationship. I spoke to mom about it and she seemed to think it would be better for me to call than her. So, on monday night I called and got my Aunt S. She asked me for the number to the hospital, which I took as a good sign. I didn't have to force it on her. She also said UK would call on tues (it was after 8 east coast time when I called and UK wasn't home)

SO, on tuesday, about 4 est., I get a message from mom that UK did call dad and the world was well. I called dad (who should be getting out of hospital today) and he was almost crying. He said to me, I am going to strangle you then give you tons of hugs and kisses. Thank you, I have a brother again. And dad was genuinly thrilled.

They made up! Apparently UK has had a whole host of family issues and personal issues over the years, making him feel bad about himself. And as time passed, he wanted to call dad, but didn't know how to fix things between them, and the more time that passed the harder it got.

While I would not recommend a near death experience, it can heal a family. God used it for good, to reuinte 2 brothers. I was so glad that my phone call worked. And even happier that they could love each other again before it was truly too late. And I was almost crying too.

God bless.

My dad

2005-11-07T08:55:00.000-08:00

My dad and I have always had issues. Not abuse or anything, but my dad always put football, and any other sport known to man, before his wife and his kids. Over the past 10 years or so, I have tried to develop a closer relationship with him. My mom and I are best friends and we are very close, and I wanted something like that with dad. But it never seemed to happen. The deep bond that mom and I shared just didn't seem to be there with dad.

This past saturday (the 5th) I learned that the bond was much deeper than I thought. Let me start this paragraph by saying my Dad is going to be fine. But Sat. night I wasn't so sure. My mom called me as I was on my way to church. She told me Dad had a heart attack and was being transferred from the hospital he was at to another one. And then she had to go, so she could get to the new hospital. I continued to church, figuring that was a good place to be.

Side note here, I learned just how wonderful my church was! I was sitting there crying and friends came up and prayed for me. People I hadn't talked to before came up and prayed for me. I was surrounded by love and caring, and I knew God was there. By the time the service was over, just about everyone knew about my dad and was praying for him and my family.

So, I was sitting in church, and I couldn't stop crying. I was so very scared that I was going to lose my daddy. And I wasn't ready for that. My dad has not had heart problems ever! This was totally unexpected and I was literally shaking. I would stop crying for a few minutes and then start up again. (which should show folks how upset I was, because I NEVER cry in front of people!)

I got home and called the hospital. It was 9 my time and midnight in florida. ( I wasn't even paying attention to that!) I got the CCU and the nurse, who was exceptionally nice, transferred me to a portable phone and let me talk to my daddy. Something that she probably wasn't supposed to do. There are no phones in the rooms in the CCU, for good reason. So I got to talk to him. And I felt relieved. He was going to be ok. He was groggy, but he told me that he had an angio and 2 stints were put in 2 arteries and that no other surgeries would be necessary. His two arteries had been 90% and 98% blocked. That's pretty bad. I talked to mom for a few minutes and she was so very exhausted. She still is. She isn't sleeping too well. My mom is a worrier in the first place and stuff like this doesn't help. (stuff like this is what might get her to start smoking again, so please pray that she won't)

I also didn't like the feeling of helplessness. They are so very far away from me and there was nothing I could do. I couldn't hug mom and help her thru this. I couldn't visit my dad see for myself that he looked better. I love him, and the bond is just as deep as the one for my mom, just shaped differently. I am very happy that I am going home for christmas and will have two weeks with my parents. I am very happy that daddy will be there.

God bless.

the dress

2005-11-03T14:37:00.000-08:00

here is the link to what is tentatively going to be the bridesmaid's dresses in my friends wedding. The theme for the wedding is a fairy tale red romance. http://www.marysbridal.com/modernmaids/m1376.htm I really like the dress, and it's going to be in the dark red color.

The only problem I have with the outfit is the choker that looks really tight on her neck. I was choked by the neighborhood bully when I was 8 or 9. I had black and blue marks on my neck for a very long time. I can't wear anything with a tight collar. Most t-shirts are a no go, and the ones I do have are stretched out from me pulling on them! I mentioned it to the bride and then promised to wear it thru ceremony and photos! She said maybe we could find one that was slightly looser for me to wear. I hope so. I kind of panic when things are tight on my neck. If not, pray that I survive thru the wedding!

God bless

Fall is here

2005-10-31T08:43:00.000-08:00

The leaves are finally changing color and falling to the ground. There is a crispness in the air and it's cold enough at night that I have to turn on the heater in my apartment. I have to wear a coat in the morning and have the presence of mind to remember to take it home at night so I can wear it the next morning. On the 2 streets leading up to my complex, the trees make archways over the road, and when they turn colors it's absolutely beautiful.

Two of the folks in my small group D & D are now engaged!!! They are getting married on Jan. 21st (pretty fast!) and I have been asked to be a bridesmaid. I have never done that before and am pretty excited, and honored to have been asked. There will be over 14 bridesmaids, so I am part of a crowd, but there will be over 1000 people invited to the wedding so, ratio wise it's good! It's just a really huge wedding. But that's the type of people they are. The are very welcoming, with big smiles and big lives.

God bless.

God and Science

2005-10-26T08:53:00.000-07:00

I have been leading a study group on tuesdays, using the book Do science and religion conflict. I mentioned this in an earlier post. It's a good group of people and the discussions are pretty lively. The book is a little lacking in detail though.

I also mentioned reading The case for Christ by Lee Strobel. I have finished that and started in on another of his books, The Case For a Creator. This is a truly awesome book. It discusses science in relation to God, to the bible. I am only in chapter 4, but my reaction so far is to think two things 1) that should I have kids, they are going to a christian high school, and 2) to be very angry. Here's why.

Chapter three is called Doubts about Darwinism. In it this atheist legal journalist interviews Johnathan Wells. Wells is a senior fellow with the Discovery Institute in Seattle. He went to UC Berkeley where he majored in science fields, He got his graduate degree from Yale and he has written books and been published in both science and religious magazines.

In this chapter, the author talks about 4 things he learned in school, in the 50's, that made him disbelieve in the existence of God. One is the Miller experiment. A scientist had shot electricity thru an atomsphere like the one on the primitive earth, creating amino acids, the building blocks of life, supporting scientific argument that life could have stared without the intervention of a Creator.

While reading the interview of Dr. Wells, you learn that that experiment has been debunked, but is STILL BEING TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS!!! That's why I am angry!

Dr. Wells states, "Nobody knows for sure what the early atmosphere was like, but the consensus (in the scientific community--added) is that the atmosphere was not at all like the one Miller used....Two of the leading origin of life researchers confirmed that Miller used the wrong gas mixture. And Science magazine in 1995 said that experts now dismiss Miller's experiment because 'the early atmosphere looked nothing like the Miller-Urey simulation.'" pg. 37. He goes on to say "my gripe is that textbooks still present the Miller experiment as though it reflected earth's early environment, when most geochemist's since the 1960's would say it was totally unlike Millers."

They then discuss the experiment, using the correct atmosphere, and NO AMINO ACIDS are produced, no building blocks of life. And yet, it's being taught in schools as if it were true. How misleading that is to kids who are struggling with questions!

He goes on to show that there a HUGE problems with every argument that Evolutions use to back up their theory, the holes, the misleading scientific data and the fact that most of it is still in textbooks. I am not going to retype the whole chapter, but I encourage everyone to go buy it! or borrow it from the library.

On to chapter 4, Where science meets faith. Here the interviewee is Dr. Stephen C. Meyer, who recieved his masters and his doctorate from Cambridge Univeristy in England. He states "I believe that the testimony of science supports theism...the major developments in science in the past 5 decades have been running in a strongly theistic direction...Science done right, points toward God." pg. 77 He then backs up his claim in the rest of the chapter.

Okay, back to chapter 3. In 2001, PBS ran a series called Evolution and it asserted that all known scientific evidence supports Darwinian evolution as does every reputable scientist in the world. There were 100 reputable scientists that were very upset about that and they took out a 2 page ad in a national magazine stating "a scientific dissent from darwinism." They stated "we are skeptical of claims for the ability of random mutation and natural selection to account for the complexity of life." These are scientists whose doctorate degrees came from Cambridge, Yale, Stanford, Cornell, Rutgers, Duke, and Berkeley, to list a few. The 100 included PROFESSORS from Yale Graduate school, MIT, Rice and Emory, they included the director of the Center for Computational Quantum Chemistry and scientist at the Plasma Physics lab at Princeton. A 151 page critique of the series claimed it failed to present accurately and fairly the disagreements among evolutionary biologists themselves.

This book is even more enlightening and fascinating than The case for Christ. And I can't wait to read more.

BTW, there is currently a trial happening in Penn. The school wanted science teachers to read a paragraph stated there were problems with Darwinism and that another theory, Intelligent Design, might explain those problems. It was a short paragraph and then the class focused on Darwinism and nothing else was said about Intelligent Design. Some parents didn't like that paragraph!

A New Normal

2005-10-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

First, Thanks Sheeshers , and anyone else who did so, for helping Central America out.

Second, A new normal.

These two poems I wrote on May 16, 2004.

Everyday
A new normal
begins for someone
For many
A different world
that becomes the new normal
the new ok
the new life
But,
the old life
is missed.

The world
returns
to normal
But...
It's a different normal
It's not
the world
we had before
It's a new normal
Where Stephan
is gone
and his killer
awaits death.

A bit of background. In April of 2004, a truly wonderful Police Officer (and guy) was shot and killed by a gang-banger who had been fairly recently released from prison. I knew Stephan and had met his beautiful children. Stephan had been the first officer killed in the history of the police department here. It devastated the community. And it took us 2-3 weeks to find the guy who did it. It was a state wide manhunt with officers from every county coming here to help us search. The killer is scheduled for trial in 2006, and it's been filed as a death penalty case.

I was struck, in May, of how life just kept on going. How most of the world had no clue about our town and it's grief. I was also struck by my life continuing, while it seemed that Michelle's (Stephan's wife) world stopped. A new normal appeared. It happens everytime someone dies, someone is a victim of a violent crime, someone is born. The old normal is remembered, like looking at an old photograph.

I bring this up because I am reading Enjoy the silence: a thirty day experiment in listening to God. On Monday night, I read day 13 (Psalms 46:1-11) This is a quote from the book: "What does 'normal' look like in a world filled with such violence pain and human tragedy?" And a paraphrase, Our 'old normal' is defind by unreality--that we can make ourselves secure in a world full of violence and uncertainty, including nature.

And this is what I wrote in response: My questions! My thoughts, 'a new normal', different but accepted after awhile, but there is no "normal" here on earth, only in Heaven, only in God's Peace. The reality of "normal" in this world is pain, loss, destruction, and violence because we are a world without God. (not all of us of course)

The book then asked that you meditate on the verse "Be still and know that I am God." I am not very good at meditating. Sitting still and just thinking isn't a strong suit of mine. And thinking of only one thing at a time is even harder. But... I put for "Be still", a clear meadow with no breeze and a mountain in the background. For "know" the meadow is filled with the presence of God, for "that I am God" the love and peace of God is there, and can be in my heart.

The whole session hit me in a big way, reminding me of all I felt a year and a half ago, and the realization that the "normal" idea is different than I originally thought of it. God, heaven, the garden of eden, His peace, that is the true normal, and everything here isn't. We can accept it, and go on living. But I know, that this world is a faded photograph and I can't wait to see the real thing. (and yes, I am aware that this could be seen as a refence to the book The Last Battle #7 in the Narnia series where it is discussed that this world is a copy of the real one, God's Heaven. I always liked that analogy)

I hope this came out clear and not like a long ramble.

God bless

Too many Hurricanes

2005-10-14T13:06:00.000-07:00

Everyone is aware of the hurricanes that hit the U.S. I wonder how many are aware of Hurricane Stan, it hit Central America on the 1st of October. I have mentioned going to El Salvador, and it was hit pretty hard. Here is some info from the Compassion Web site.
"Tropical Storm Stan has created rainstorms and heavy flooding throughout Central America since Saturday, October 1, 2005. After making landfall along Mexico's Gulf Coast, Hurricane Stan weakened to a tropical storm. However, the devastating effects of heavy rains and flooding have created landslides and evacuations throughout the area.
And:
"As rains subside, the country of El Salvador is beginning to recover from the recent flooding due to tropical storm Stan. Though the rains have stopped, thousands of refugees are still in shelters because of the loss of their homes and personal belongings. The government of El Salvador estimates that in San Salvador alone, more than $120 million will be needed to repair drains that were damaged in the storm.
Compassion El Salvador has provided food and clothing to nearly 400 children and their families throughout the country who are in the affected areas.
Please continue to pray for the country of El Salvador as they recover from this disaster.
Compassion is already providing clean water, food, blankets, clothes, medicines and personal items. But the costs are expected to be substantial — far more than can be covered through sponsorship support alone. Donate now to the Hurricane Stan Fund. Your gift will be an incredible blessing to a sponsored child during this time of heartbreaking need. "

I know many have given to the relief efforts for Katrina/Rita, but despite whatever slowness there was in the government's response, ours is a rich country that has already raised millions for New Orleans and our government will continue to assist in the rebuilding efforts. I do not have the same confidence in the government in El Salvador. It is a much poorer country. America has Hollywood and music stars doing benefits for New Orleans, El Salvador does not. If you can help, please do, and thanks.

I have checked online and the Compassion school for Nahum, my sponsored child, is not listed among those damaged, nor is it listed among those being used for shelters, so I am assuming that he is safe and the specific area he lives in wasn't badly hit.

God bless

Saturday Concert

2005-10-11T13:03:00.000-07:00

My co-leader and I took 2 of our life hurts God heals girls to an all day free christian concert in Napa Valley on Saturday. It's a 3 hour drive! The other 2 girls had commitments and couldn't make it.

The 4 of us had a great time. One girl had never really been out of our county much and looking at the homes of the rich winemakers really gave her a thrill. Most of the bands had a time when they gave out autographs and the girls were eagerly standing in line to get them. The two bands I was there to see were Barlowgirl and Newsboys. I had seen Barlowgirl before, but not Newsboys, and boy are they awesome in concert!! I would definately pay to see them! Other bands included Paul Wright, StellarKart, and Skillet. One of the girls said that she would remember this experience for the rest of her life, and that just made my heart melt. Such a simple thing, spending time with them, and it means so much.

One cool thing about christian concerts is that we could leave all our stuff on the blanket and go up front near the stage for the bands we really liked and know that nothing would be missing when we got back. I dare any of you to try that at a secular concert!!!

I am currently reading The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel and it is a fantastic book. I really have a hard time putting it down. His book talks about the Gospels in historical context, how Christ is mentioned in other histories of the time. How unlike other "histories" that only have a few surviving copies, the gospels have approximately 5,000 surviving copies!!! And the world accepts the histories and denies the Gospels, go figure.

God bless.

passports #2

2005-10-06T14:14:00.000-07:00

I got my passport in the mail on Tuesday. The actual blue book, with a crappy picture and my name. It's cool. I was very excited! I also got some info from Compassion on the trip to El Salvador. It is still too early to get excited, because I am not going til March, and yet, it's becoming more real with the acquisition of the passport and the info from Compassion.

For anyone reading who doesn't know, compassion is a Christian organization that helps kids. I am a sponsor for 2 kids. Compassion is a COOL organization, because they feed, clothe, provide schooling and medical care, and TEACH THE KIDS ABOUT JESUS!! Their school is a christian school. My mom had sponsored a kid, a long time ago, thru a different Christian organization and they didn't teach about Jesus. She would get letters from her child talking about Hindu holidays and rituals. My kid asks me to pray that his dad will accept Jesus. Pretty cool.

I have never really talked to anyone about my sponsoring Nahum, except to my mom, because you aren't supposed to "brag" about your good works, or contributions to God's work, but because I am ACTUALLY going to El Salvador, things are a little different. I can't hide going out of the country for a week, nor can I hide my excitement. It's so different from my normal life and I can't wait. Nahum is 11 and we get to spend the day at a water park! Cool huh? He asked me a few years ago when I was going to come to visit him and I am so happy that I can go.

I have to go get a few shots and a prescription for anti-malaria pills. And be careful about drinking water. I went to the Dept. of State website and read a ton of stuff about traveling out of the country in general and to El Salvador in particular.

God Bless

No good ideas for a title

2005-10-04T14:54:00.000-07:00

It seemed time to post again. I couldn't come up with a title. Maybe when I get to the end I'll have found one.

My sis-in-law is quite a piece of work. She wants her cake and she wants to eat it too. She doesn't want my bro to move on, she wants him clinging to her, waiting while she plays around and messes up her life. But someday she may want to come back to him, so he's supposed to wait. He told me she said to him, something like this, "someday when I am a Godly woman, you'll regret letting me go" How long is he supposed to wait for her to become a Godly woman? By saying that she is acknowledging that she isn't acting like a Godly woman and has no intention of doing so, until she is done having fun, her version of fun. To me, it's like thumbing your nose at God, intentionally, knowingly going against what He wants. We all know that God forgives us when we goof, but we aren't supposed to go into doing something with the attitude it's all right to do it because God will forgive me. We are supposed to try to do what God wants and avoid what doing what He dislikes.

I don't always succeed at staying on God's path, and I know I am not supposed to judge, but I can't stand her hurting my bro over and over and over and over...... again.

It's gotten chilly here in the evenings and mornings. I actually had to close the windows last night because it was cold!

I didn't find a title, so I'll stick with the one I put in there before I started typing.

God bless

still blue, without the rain

2005-09-28T11:24:00.000-07:00

I guess I will be worrying about my bro and the kids for awhile. I am feeling decidedly unchristian like towards my future ex-sis in law. I am working on that.

It's nice and sunny and not to hot. Perfect weather.

Last night, I led a small group. It was our first night and our topic for the season is Do science and God conflict. It's a cool little book, written for small groups with discussion questions. The main theme is that they don't have to conflict, the world just seems to want them too. And the two interesting things about this is 1) we have a science teacher in our group, a woman who wholeheartedly believes in God, and loves science. That's pretty cool. and 2) just this week a trial started because a school in PA that wanted teachers to read a statement that critized evolution theory and goes on to say that intelligent design offers an alternative theory for the origin and evolution of life--namely, that life in all of its complexity could not have arisen without the help of an intelligent hand. It's an interesting issue with opponents saying that it is religion disguised and proponents saying that it isn't religion or that they aren't "teaching" ID just making the students aware by reading the warning before they discuss evolution. I have printed out articles to take to my small group.

There is also one non-believer in my group. He goes to church and is active in missions stuff and goes to all the events, he just hasn't taken that last step. He is a very science oriented person and I am hoping that this class helps him understand that he doesn't have to choose between the two.

Boy, I have to say, once I found a church I went all out. I am a bit suprised. After all my years of struggling with the issue of organized religion, to be attending church every week and being a leader in 2 groups is quite a leap from where I was just this time last year, thinking I didn't need church, as long as I kept reading the Bible. God is pretty cool. This is my church

God bless.

(added later that same day, the book is actually called Do Science and the Bible Conflict? by Judson Poling )

Rainy day blues

2005-09-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

It's monday. It's raining. I didn't really care for last week. The weekend wasn't much better. Yesterday, I learned that My Bro's wife is leaving him, again. She left last summer and then they reconcilled for 7 mths and now she's gone again. Why did she bother? Why did she give him hope? She just messed with his heart and mind and I'm really not happy with her. She's already with another guy, who is in no way, shape, or form better than my bro. This new guy(which she was seeing last summer) has a criminal record, including domestic violence and failure to pay child support.

My bro has 5 kids. They want to stay with my bro. They probably all were just waiting for this to happen. I was pretty sure that she wouldn't stay, but I thought it would be a few years before she flipped out again. I was wrong.

I was there this summer. She seemed to be a better person, she was trying so hard to be a good wife and mother, and daughter in law. I guess it was all just an act, and there was no inner conversion. I don't know. What I know is that she has hurt my bro again and that is a very bad thing. I love him and when he hurts, I hurt.

The rain matches my mood. I want to rain too.

God Bless.

Life Hurts God Heals, Third Thursday

2005-09-23T09:05:00.000-07:00

There are 4 girls in my group, all in high school. 2 of them didn't come last night. It's kind of strange. Both have done the classes before and wanted to do them again and I spoke to both during the week and neither gave any indication that they weren't coming back. I plan on calling them tonight or tomorrow.

I now have a co-leader. I am still the leader, but another lady signed up and so they gave me a co-leader. The cool part about that was when the guy in charge of the whole program said, "you'll be working with KatieScarlett, she's new too, but I trust her." A good thing! A nice compliment.

There is a free 6 hour Christian concert near (well, sort of near-2.5 hours) me in Oct. I told the 2 that came that I'd like to take them (my co-leader too) and they both thought that would be fun. I was VERY happy that they wanted to go. One of the girls asked how many of the small groups were going and I said just us, I wanted our group to go do something fun together. I could tell she liked that idea. She's the one that I am really worried about and I was very happy to see her come back for the third week.

You get a really good feeling from connecting with these troubled kids. That's God's reward for listening to Him and doing what He asks.

God bless.

more alan

2005-09-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

I was thrilled to learn that Alan Alda and I share a love for books. Here's a quote from his book. "I wanted to possess books and to always have one in my hand." (pg. 59) I feel the same way. I collect books and always have one around for quick access! I have a book in my car, for lunches alone, lines at the post office, and waiting for trains to pass. I have one by my bed and usually one in the living room. I own over 1,000 books (and fit them all into a 1 bdrm apt.) I adore reading.

He had a pretty rough childhood. He had polio. He also had a mom who had serious mental health issues. And he's been married to one woman for almost 50 years and his 3 girls have normal lives. Pretty cool, a bit unusual, what with his childhood and Hollywood usual 10 min. marriages.

God Bless.

Alan Alda

2005-09-21T14:40:00.000-07:00

He has been a favorite actor of mine for a very long time. Those of you who knew me in college can remember me dashing out of the dining room hall and running to the dorm to catch M*A*S*H at 5:30.

He has finally written an autobiography!! I got it yesterday and read the first 4 chapters before going to sleep. The title is Never have your dog stuffed and other things I've learned. (that actually has relevance in the book) I was laughing so hard! I look forward to reading more tonight.

God bless

Things that make you go hmmmmmm......

2005-09-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

My office is about 20 min from the juvenile courthouse, so on court days, I get into the county van and drive down a state highway (1 lane each way, not much of a highway) to the court. On the way I pass a U-Haul store, that apparently has a storage facility attached. They have a sign. It says, Free 30 day storage for Katrina Victims.

While the idea of helping Katrina victims is a great one, I am pretty sure most, if not all have NOTHING TO STORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think it would be better if they just sent the money for 30 days of storage to the Red Cross, or some such organization. It was one of those things that just had me wondering, what are people thinking?

My life has gone from sort of boring, with me spending nights at home at the computer or in front of the tv to having a bit too much to do. When I finally found a church, I jumped in and am getting pretty involved in stuff, which is good, but well, I'm not used to having my evenings occupied!! I used to go home and veg and now I wonder how I will find the time to do all the stuff that needs doing! I'm sure I'll adjust, but adjustment periods are a pain.

God bless.

Second Thursday

2005-09-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

All week long, I somehow knew that I would remain the "leader" instead of a co-leader. (God keeps promoting me) I figured it would happen because we were getting more kids. Instead it happened because the "leader"'s daughter got sick. And after two weeks completed in a program where trust is earned and the kids start talking about their terrible lives, it's hard to catch up and putting her in and me back to "co" status would actually not be so great for the girls.

I am working w/ 4 high school girls. The program is called Life hurts God heals, and is based on the Beattitudes and was developed by Willow Creek. It's a pretty good program. I have to admit some of the questions they ask the kids (and me) are really making me think. And some of them make me realize how far I have come from the little girl who sat on a closet shelf, hiding from the world and crying.

Now, the whole thing is 100% confidential. But, as I sit there listening to these girls, I keep sending the words "thank you God" to heaven. My childhood and teen years were horrible. I was miserable, spent most of my days in tears, praying that God would let me come home. And that pain was real, and impacted me greatly. But what others go thru' everyday is so much worse. And I thank God that I didn't have "worse". That I had such a wonderful mom, who I knew loved me and my brother more than anything else in the world, except God. She sacrificed so much for us and my plan is to call her today and thank her. And for all the problems I have with my father, he's still better than the other options out there.

On a different note, Wednesday was my bowling night. It was the second week of league. There were several new teams, so last week they established their average. The team we played this week, and a really low average and a really high handicap, 170 pins above ours!!!!! And, the more you do something the better you get at it and bowling is no exception. They all bowled better than their averages. This truly made it impossible for us to win. And while I play to relax and have fun, I do like to think I have a CHANCE to win!! Next week, that team will have higher averages and a lower handicap, so it was our misfortune to play them so early in the year. Ah well.

God bless

First Thursday

2005-09-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I think God has a great sense of humor. Last spring, I signed up to be a CO-leader in the crown financial ministries small group. That means I WOULD NOT be in charge and I'd just be helping someone who has been a leader before. Well, my leader dropped out and low and behold I got promoted!

So, Last night, the first Thursday of the Life Hurts God heals bible study for teens w/ issues began. Again, I signed up to be a CO-leader. Can anyone guess what happened?? My Leader couldn't be there, so another Lady was going to lead, except we had a ton of kids and low and behold I got promoted! Luckily for me, they put a girl in my group who has done the program twice before, so she helped me a little.

I was trained, but the training was sort of done with the assumption that I would be a CO-leader and I would be following someone else's lead. The other leader should be there next thursday, so it's just a temporary promotion.

It was very cool. There are so many kids out there hurting. It's nice to have a place for them to go and hear about God and help each other, just by listening. Giving them a place to freely talk and vent without fear is a very important thing.

Also, since it was the first night, the kids had to register. I signed up to assist at the information desk. I walked up to the desk and the kid there said we need you to fill out a form. I looked at her and said what? She said you have to fill out a form. I said why? and another leader came up and said to the kid, she's a co-leader and the kid goes wow, you look young. Now, I know I look young, but I didn't think that I looked like I was still in High School!!!!!!!!!!! I am 36, a long way from high school!

And that is the second time this week I got that "young" reaction. During lunch on Thursday, I went the christian bookstore, where I bought the new casting crowns album (http://www.castingcrowns.org/ ) and the manafest album, and the lady at the counter asked me if I was attending the university!!! That's mildly better than folks thinking I am in high school, but at 36 college is also far behind me.

Just a strange day. And I can't wait for next thursday. Because you know what, I will be learning too, and growing too, and as much as I can be there for the kids, they will be there for me too.

God bless

a full holiday weekend

2005-09-06T09:08:00.000-07:00

Saturday, I didn't do much. I went to church, and decided that next Saturday, I would get baptized. I was baptized as a baby, but never as an adult. It's an immersion baptizism. I had been contemplating it all summer and next weekend is probably the last time it will be offered before it gets too cool out there to be dunked! It's a sign of my choice to follow Jesus. When you do it as a baby, it doesn't have much meaning (from the baby) it's all done for you. As an adult you are taking the step to confirm the choice your parents made for you. It's all a bit deeper than that but I can't really find the words. I also got word that I am going to be a co-leader for life hurts God heals. It starts next thursday and I am very excited about it.

On Sunday, I went to Capitola--a beach about 2 hrs away. I love beach days, looking at the mountains, the ocean, the flowers growing on the side of the road, all pull me closer to God. I see him so vividly in nature, the way the sun hits the mountains, the way the water hits the rocks. I listen to my favorite christian music there and back and really enjoy the day. This particular beach day wasn't as restoring as I hoped it would be. There is a lot going on in my mind.

Monday, I spent with some friends and saw the Constant Gardner and had dinner. The movie was very good, but depressing. The fact is, it's probably a true story, or pretty close to one and it's horrible. In the middle, I looked up and asked God if he saw what his children did to each other, and how could he stand it? (remember, I am still raving about New Orleans, where they are raping 7 year olds and shooting at people trying to fix the levies!!) There is so much evil here. Anne Frank said in her diary that she still believed that people were really good at heart. I think that was wrong. People are evil at heart, selfish human beings caring only for their own needs, desires and wants. It's only thru our believe in God and acceptance of his gift--his son's sacrifice at the cross and acceptance of his forgiveness that we become good at heart, and it's still a battle after that. Satan tries to get us back, to steal the beauty from us, to deprive us of the joy and peace God gives. Good only comes from God.

So. Unless God tells me to move, I'll stay, and trust that He will work His will in my life and get me to where I need to be, not necessarily where I want to be.

(this was edited on 9/6/05, I decided that certain info re: work shouldn't be on here.)

God bless

Rants, part 2

2005-09-01T13:36:00.000-07:00

What the hell is wrong with people? Now they are SHOOTING at the rescue choppers! Unbelievable. There is a sniper shooting at helicopters trying to rescue people from a charity hospital and NBC said that someone shot at the chopper trying to get people out of the superdome. These folks are just plain crazy mean.

This is a quote I found on the news stories section of Yahoo: "Hospitals are trying to evacuate," said Coast Guard Lt. Cmdr. Cheri Ben-Iesan, spokesman at the city emergency operations center. "At every one of them, there are reports that as the helicopters come in people are shooting at them. There are people just taking potshots at police and at helicopters, telling them, `You better come get my family.'"

Some Federal Emergency Management rescue operations were suspended in areas where gunfire has broken out, Homeland Security spokesman Russ Knocke said in Washington. "In areas where our employees have been determined to potentially be in danger, we have pulled back," he said.

A National Guard military policeman was shot in the leg as the two scuffled for the MP's rifle, police Capt. Ernie Demmo said. The man was arrested.

Personally, I wouldn't come back and get the guy and his family after being shot at.

Sometimes I wonder why God doesn't do something similar to the flood and just start over again, or stop waiting for whatever he's waiting for and just declare this world done and come again and save the sane folks out there from the disasters evil crazy mean morons create.

God bless.

rants

2005-08-31T16:08:00.000-07:00

Everyone is aware of the disaster in Louisiana and Mississippi and Georgia, and I, along with many others, am praying for the survivors.

But I need to rant a little here. What the heck is wrong with people? There are many folks down there, who are wading in the water and going into WalMarts and other such stores and LOOTING. They aren't just taking necessities, which could be excused, but electronics etc. I heard that one guy took 42 tshirts, that is above and beyond a necessity. They are also arming themselves and I heard one report, although I can't remember from where, that they actually shot an officer rather than be arrested for looting.

As a prosecutor, I know that there are many evil people out there. And these folks are right up there. I personally am hoping that they all contract some awful non-life threatening, but extremely painful disease from wandering around in the polluted waters.

As if the folks hadn't gone thru enough, anything that MIGHT have survived the hurricane is getting jacked by creeps. Evil. As if the officers and rescue workers don't have some better things to do. They have to waste time chasing down these creeps. My mom says that looters that are caught can serve 15 years in prison, I say good, let them do every day of that 15 years. Send a message to anyone who has a similar idea in the next natural disaster. Just majorly wrong.

On a different note, but related. They were talking about the last major hurricane, Camille, to hit that area and how that was back in 1969, and I thought wow that was almost 40 years ago (thinking that is a nice long time to go between hurricanes) and then it hit me!! I was BORN in 1969, which means I am almost 40! When I turned 36 last month, the whole 40 thing wasn't even in my head, but now it is. I'm not sure I'm ready for 40. Just amazing, where did the years get to?

God bless

Unhappily walking down memory lane

2005-08-27T22:48:00.000-07:00

I decided if this was my blog, it was going to be an honest one. Which means when I write, it should go here. I wrote tonight, while at church. I even missed part of the sermon, because the need to write was so very strong. I couldn't ignore it.

Church is actually what started my little crisis. It starts with a program that my church is going to run. It's called Life Hurts, God Heals. It's for teens who are addicted to anything, who are depressed, suicidal, cutter, antisocial, etc. I felt God directing me to apply to be a co-leader. Yes, it's an application. A form to fill out, references to give, interviews to be had. They want healthy (spiritually) adults to help the kids, but to help you have to truly understand, and to truly understand, you have to have gone thru' it and be willing to talk about it.

So, ever since I filled out the application on Monday, thru' the phone interview on Friday night, I have been reliving my painful youth. Tripping, literally, down memory lane. And it hurts to remember. It is exhausting: physically, emotionally, and mentally, to the point where I'd like to sleep about 22 hours every day.

I have been listening to an album by Superchick, a christian rock band. The album is called Beauty from pain. The title song is about someone who is in so much pain that they can hardly stand it. And their realization that God can bring beauty from that pain. It is an absolutely beautiful, moving, awesome, song. http://www.superchickonline.com/minisite/mini.php

Anyway, thinking of my teen years, listening to that song, hoping I get accepted and can help others are going thru what I did, and knowing that I will have to talk about it, is all a bit stressful.

In case anyone is wondering, my issue was severe depression, no self-esteem and a desire to go home (to my real home, in heaven) God made sure I understood that I had to wait, maybe a long time, before I could come home. And that's ok. He still has stuff for me to do here.

I am no longer the person I was as a teenager. I know who I am, a child of God, and I am pretty happy with who I am. Is there room for improvement? OF COURSE!!!!!!! But I like who I am. And I wouldn't change anything, because then I would be someone else.

God bless

Raining flowers

2005-08-26T13:07:00.000-07:00

Today, as I am driving back to work from lunch, I am sitting in a left hand turn lane. There is a very tall moving type truck in front of me. On my left, in the median, are trees, with little flowers with reddish petals on them. The light turns green, the truck moves forward, brushing up against the tree branches, and little flowers and petals rain down on my windshield. It was very pretty and was a tiny bright moment in an otherwise unnoteworthy day. (at least so far) It made me smile.

Of course, I then get back to work and have a very hard time fitting into my parking spot, (parallel to the building) because the person who has the first spot didn't pull all the way forward. She had just gotten out of her car when I pulled up. She looked at the space, looked at her car, frowned, and left. On the way to her building (next door) she took frequent peeks back, checking out my progress and frowning. At the door to her building, she stopped and watched, as I tried for the third, and successful, time to get my taurus into that spot! Sigh. I already have issues with other drivers anyway and things like this don't help!

I have added a link to the side. Whether you agree or disagree with the war in Iraq, our soldiers are over there, worrying, working, and feeling lonely. If you read this, and can help, click the link. The organization will send a care package on your behalf, or if you have the time to make and ship a package on your own, you can link thru the site on the side to the parent site, and you click on a name and they tell you want they want/need in their unit, to make life mildly bearable in 130 degree heat.

God bless

Life plods along

2005-08-24T13:47:00.000-07:00

Honestly, not much has happened since my last post. My life tends to be like that, just plodding along. In a way, that's good. It means that nothing really horrible is happening, and little things like fame on dvd can excite me.

But somehow, it's not really the life I pictured for myself. I suppose no one truly gets the life they pictured. Our childhood pictures aren't based in reality. When we are kids, we are unaware of the realities of the grownup world. I had my whole life mapped out by the time I was 13 or so. I saw my cousin go thru the same thing. From the time she was 14 or so, her plan was get married, be a teacher, live next door to her best friend (who would also be a teacher) have 2 kids (boy first then a girl) She's 22 now, living with a pretty great guy, and working at a financial institution (having majored in business in college) and living in a totally different state then her friend (who also skipped on the teacher idea)

It's kind of like those sitcom episodes where they find some old list of things they wanted to accomplish by a certain age, and they go crazy trying to figure out how to do those things on the list. We can never accomplish all the things on our childhood lists. Some things are very unrealistic and not based on what talents and gifts we have, but ones we wish we possessed.

How is it that we end up so far from the pictures we created for ourselves as kids?

Although, part of the picture is there for me, I am a prosecutor. I just somehow thought it would be more vibrant, exciting, challenging and different every day than it actually is. People keep committing the same sorts of crimes, thefts, auto burgs, assaults and batteries, vandalism and drugs. There are only a few possiblities on how to deal with these kids and their crimes.

FAME and a wonderful website

2005-08-19T23:21:00.000-07:00

Here's the website first: http://www.tvshowsondvd.com . It lists the shows that are available on dvd and lets you vote on shows you would like to see on dvd. It also has a section entitled news items added. You do have to "log in" get a password etc. but it's free and there is no junk mail because of it. Here's the great part, when one of the shows you voted for hits dvd, they do email you and let you know. Tonight, I got news that season one of FAME will hit dvd in Nov. Finally! If you read my 100 things, one thing I listed was that junk ends up on dvd and not good shows. Three good shows I meant were Fame, China Beach, and Scarecrow & Mrs. King. Hearing that one of the 3 is finally being released thrills me no end. Fame and Scarecrow have great memories for me. I watched both shows with my mom. Scarecrow was on monday nights and we both made sure we didn't work that night so we could watch it! Fame and China beach were also watched with one of my college friends that I still am close to. So this is a very exciting night for me. Since I don't have kids (yet), little things like this have to bring me joy.

Speaking of kids, thanks Will and Ran for your support of the adoption idea. Some of my cali friends try to gently discourage me, thinking that being a single mom would be too hard. I know once it happens they will be there for me and help me out, but the subtle words sadden me. So thanks. My Mom supports the idea too, and that's who really matters (besides God of course)

(see how much I'm learning will, I inserted a web link!)

God bless.

Epiphanies

2005-08-18T12:36:00.000-07:00

Last night, just before going to bed, I had an epiphany. For a few years now, I have been planning on buying a house and then a year or so later adopting a child. I had to wait til I paid off my car and got sufficient raises that I could pay my student loans, a mortgage, and all the other added expenses of owning a home. Unfortunately, during that time period, the housing market has reached crazy numbers and I still can't afford a home where I live. I am 36, and the idea of waiting 2 more years to get the house and another 1-2 for the adoption wasn't sitting well with me. Also, with the mortgage so high, even if I could afford the payment, I could never afford a child. The other reason this was so fixed in my head, was that I planned on buying a house and selling it to my parents when they moved here in 7-8 years. To make sure they could afford it. I would sell it cheap! My mom informed me that they aren't going to move here til they are at the nursing home stage, which hopefully won't be for another 20 years. And while that seriously depresses me (my mom is my best friend and seeing her twice a year is not nearly enough--my parents live in Florida) I know that they love Florida and that not having to buy a house that they would like to sort of frees me up a little.

But that wasn't the epiphany. It was the realization that I don't have to BUY a house to adopt, I just need to live in one. That solves all the money issues and the money I had saved for the house could be used for the adoption expenses! The rent will be a bit higher, but not that bad and the extra money would go for child care! So, I intend to start looking for rentals!

I know being a single parent will be hard. I have no illusions about that. But, for some reason God has seen fit to keep me single, something I would have never imagined would happen. Somewhere in my heart and soul, I know that being single does not mean that I can't be a mom, and that God isn't prohibiting that. I am fairly well convinced the whole adoption idea came from Him in the first place, not from me. Somewhere, out there, is a child that will be born into a very bad life, and God wants me to fix that. He will match us together, just as if she had grown in my womb. And neither of us will be alone or lonely, both of us will know love and the joys of being a family. God placed the desire to be a mother in me at age 12, the same times I received the desire to be a prosecutor. The second has happened. The first, hopefully soon. And I have lots of brownie points w/ my friends here in Cali. I help with their kids all the time and they have said they would be happy to help me as needed. So I won't truly be alone. So that's my epiphany. I don't need to buy the house, just rent it.

God bless