Thursday, August 18, 2005

Epiphanies

Last night, just before going to bed, I had an epiphany. For a few years now, I have been planning on buying a house and then a year or so later adopting a child. I had to wait til I paid off my car and got sufficient raises that I could pay my student loans, a mortgage, and all the other added expenses of owning a home. Unfortunately, during that time period, the housing market has reached crazy numbers and I still can't afford a home where I live. I am 36, and the idea of waiting 2 more years to get the house and another 1-2 for the adoption wasn't sitting well with me. Also, with the mortgage so high, even if I could afford the payment, I could never afford a child. The other reason this was so fixed in my head, was that I planned on buying a house and selling it to my parents when they moved here in 7-8 years. To make sure they could afford it. I would sell it cheap! My mom informed me that they aren't going to move here til they are at the nursing home stage, which hopefully won't be for another 20 years. And while that seriously depresses me (my mom is my best friend and seeing her twice a year is not nearly enough--my parents live in Florida) I know that they love Florida and that not having to buy a house that they would like to sort of frees me up a little.

But that wasn't the epiphany. It was the realization that I don't have to BUY a house to adopt, I just need to live in one. That solves all the money issues and the money I had saved for the house could be used for the adoption expenses! The rent will be a bit higher, but not that bad and the extra money would go for child care! So, I intend to start looking for rentals!

I know being a single parent will be hard. I have no illusions about that. But, for some reason God has seen fit to keep me single, something I would have never imagined would happen. Somewhere in my heart and soul, I know that being single does not mean that I can't be a mom, and that God isn't prohibiting that. I am fairly well convinced the whole adoption idea came from Him in the first place, not from me. Somewhere, out there, is a child that will be born into a very bad life, and God wants me to fix that. He will match us together, just as if she had grown in my womb. And neither of us will be alone or lonely, both of us will know love and the joys of being a family. God placed the desire to be a mother in me at age 12, the same times I received the desire to be a prosecutor. The second has happened. The first, hopefully soon. And I have lots of brownie points w/ my friends here in Cali. I help with their kids all the time and they have said they would be happy to help me as needed. So I won't truly be alone. So that's my epiphany. I don't need to buy the house, just rent it.

God bless

2 Comments:

Blogger ranraniam said...

Hi,

Thanks for checking out my blog. Traffic has been pretty much limited to my mom and my brother but I enjoy writing anyway.

Isn't amazing how the things we stress over the most usually have answers that have been there all along, just waiting for us to figure them out. I really admire your dream to become a mother. I believe that the birth of a child is always a miracle, no matter how it happens. If someone out there can't appreciate that miracle then maybe the miracle happened so that you could have a child.

I have known a few single women who have adopted and it has been a wonderful thing for all involved. I wish you Gods blessings in your endeavor.

Oh, and by the way I checked out your "100 things". It is amazing what a picture that can paint of somebody. I liked what you said on #52 and 53. I too have been fascinated by the Holocaust for some time. At times I feel like I am strange for taking an interest in something so horific, but I think that whole era is an intense, up close picture of the human condition, both then and now. In studying it we find the worst and the best that mankind is capable of.

I also liked #60. I have done some rather "unhealthy" things in my past (if you met me when my brother was in college, you met me at my worst). I have always been ashamed of that time in my life but reading this makes me think that I wouldn't be where I am at today if I hadn't walked through that dark time in my life.

Thanks for the insight.

See ya

8:37 PM  
Blogger Will said...

You go girl. We'll be praying for you. Do you think that you'll adopt internationally or domestically?

3:26 PM  

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