The new reality sucks

This new world where my dad had a heart attack is not one I like. He went back in to the hospital last night. Yesterday, he had problems breathing and his heart rate went up to 150 beats, instead of the normal 80 or so. They took him to the hospital and gave him oxygen and have no idea what is wrong. The are giving him tests today and it's over 5 hours til I'll be able to talk to my mom again and find out if the doctor's have figured it out.

I am not really liking this holiday season. Some of my close friends found out their dog had cancer and they had to put him to sleep. A day later, (last night) those same friends found out that their brother in law is in the hospital for something that may be wrong with his pancreas. (like cancer?????) How can any of us feel the joy of the Christmas season (which I normally love, I have fun giving presents) when we are all so worried?

And yet, for all the worry, there are people in New Orleans that have nothing. There are people all over the world still way worse off than I. Sad things make me aware of just how many people are always sad. And it makes me wonder why God is waiting to come back. He should come now.

I'll write again, when I know something.

God bless.

Christmas shopping and less than 3 weeks til home

So, the thanksgiving weekend was great for me. I got all my Christmas shopping done, except 2 presents. One is a dvd that comes out Dec. 6th and the other I am not sure what to get. I'll figure it out soon. And I didn't even get up way early on Friday, or stand in any lines!

On December 17, I go home for Christmas. My parents live in Florida. I live in California. But wherever my mom is, that's home. I can hardly wait. It feels different this year. Because of my Dad's heart attack. (He's fine, he had a heart check up last week and dr. said he didn't need to see him again for 6 mths. The heart is in great shape, it was just the clogged arteries and they weren't the super major ones!) I really need to see him. Then I'll know he's ok. Talking to him on the phone isn't enough. I need to give him a huge hug!

I am a little jumpy, when the phone rings at odd times my heart beats a bit faster for a minute. A new reality.

God bless.

happy thanksgiving

I haven't posted in for awhile. I have been busy with work and church and friends. And over the weekend thru yesterday (actually-today) I have had a really bad stomach flu. Sigh. I was worried I would miss thanksgiving. I am back at work today, but feeling a little shaky.

Happy thanksgiving to all! and happy shopping to those who brave the stores on friday.

God bless

Miracles and family

I love how God can work scary things for good.

While talking to my brother on Sat. night, about dad's heart attack, Bro and I discussed my Uncle K., dad's bro.

UK and my dad haven't spoken since grammy died, 14 years ago. They were both grieving and UK said something stupid and my dad was really hurt and things went downhill from there. It has been a bit of a worry ever since. My dad refused to call UK and UK seemingly was refusing to call dad. When asked, dad would say I have no brothers. And he was pretty adamant about that. Despite that, mom had occasionally talked to them and I sent christmas cards back and forth.

So, Bro asked me if mom had called UK about dad's heart attack. I said not yet, but if she didn't I would. This seemed like a chance to repair the relationship. I spoke to mom about it and she seemed to think it would be better for me to call than her. So, on monday night I called and got my Aunt S. She asked me for the number to the hospital, which I took as a good sign. I didn't have to force it on her. She also said UK would call on tues (it was after 8 east coast time when I called and UK wasn't home)

SO, on tuesday, about 4 est., I get a message from mom that UK did call dad and the world was well. I called dad (who should be getting out of hospital today) and he was almost crying. He said to me, I am going to strangle you then give you tons of hugs and kisses. Thank you, I have a brother again. And dad was genuinly thrilled.

They made up! Apparently UK has had a whole host of family issues and personal issues over the years, making him feel bad about himself. And as time passed, he wanted to call dad, but didn't know how to fix things between them, and the more time that passed the harder it got.

While I would not recommend a near death experience, it can heal a family. God used it for good, to reuinte 2 brothers. I was so glad that my phone call worked. And even happier that they could love each other again before it was truly too late. And I was almost crying too.

God bless.

My dad

My dad and I have always had issues. Not abuse or anything, but my dad always put football, and any other sport known to man, before his wife and his kids. Over the past 10 years or so, I have tried to develop a closer relationship with him. My mom and I are best friends and we are very close, and I wanted something like that with dad. But it never seemed to happen. The deep bond that mom and I shared just didn't seem to be there with dad.

This past saturday (the 5th) I learned that the bond was much deeper than I thought. Let me start this paragraph by saying my Dad is going to be fine. But Sat. night I wasn't so sure. My mom called me as I was on my way to church. She told me Dad had a heart attack and was being transferred from the hospital he was at to another one. And then she had to go, so she could get to the new hospital. I continued to church, figuring that was a good place to be.

Side note here, I learned just how wonderful my church was! I was sitting there crying and friends came up and prayed for me. People I hadn't talked to before came up and prayed for me. I was surrounded by love and caring, and I knew God was there. By the time the service was over, just about everyone knew about my dad and was praying for him and my family.

So, I was sitting in church, and I couldn't stop crying. I was so very scared that I was going to lose my daddy. And I wasn't ready for that. My dad has not had heart problems ever! This was totally unexpected and I was literally shaking. I would stop crying for a few minutes and then start up again. (which should show folks how upset I was, because I NEVER cry in front of people!)

I got home and called the hospital. It was 9 my time and midnight in florida. ( I wasn't even paying attention to that!) I got the CCU and the nurse, who was exceptionally nice, transferred me to a portable phone and let me talk to my daddy. Something that she probably wasn't supposed to do. There are no phones in the rooms in the CCU, for good reason. So I got to talk to him. And I felt relieved. He was going to be ok. He was groggy, but he told me that he had an angio and 2 stints were put in 2 arteries and that no other surgeries would be necessary. His two arteries had been 90% and 98% blocked. That's pretty bad. I talked to mom for a few minutes and she was so very exhausted. She still is. She isn't sleeping too well. My mom is a worrier in the first place and stuff like this doesn't help. (stuff like this is what might get her to start smoking again, so please pray that she won't)

I also didn't like the feeling of helplessness. They are so very far away from me and there was nothing I could do. I couldn't hug mom and help her thru this. I couldn't visit my dad see for myself that he looked better. I love him, and the bond is just as deep as the one for my mom, just shaped differently. I am very happy that I am going home for christmas and will have two weeks with my parents. I am very happy that daddy will be there.

God bless.

the dress

here is the link to what is tentatively going to be the bridesmaid's dresses in my friends wedding. The theme for the wedding is a fairy tale red romance. http://www.marysbridal.com/modernmaids/m1376.htm I really like the dress, and it's going to be in the dark red color.

The only problem I have with the outfit is the choker that looks really tight on her neck. I was choked by the neighborhood bully when I was 8 or 9. I had black and blue marks on my neck for a very long time. I can't wear anything with a tight collar. Most t-shirts are a no go, and the ones I do have are stretched out from me pulling on them! I mentioned it to the bride and then promised to wear it thru ceremony and photos! She said maybe we could find one that was slightly looser for me to wear. I hope so. I kind of panic when things are tight on my neck. If not, pray that I survive thru the wedding!

God bless