still blue, without the rain

I guess I will be worrying about my bro and the kids for awhile. I am feeling decidedly unchristian like towards my future ex-sis in law. I am working on that.

It's nice and sunny and not to hot. Perfect weather.

Last night, I led a small group. It was our first night and our topic for the season is Do science and God conflict. It's a cool little book, written for small groups with discussion questions. The main theme is that they don't have to conflict, the world just seems to want them too. And the two interesting things about this is 1) we have a science teacher in our group, a woman who wholeheartedly believes in God, and loves science. That's pretty cool. and 2) just this week a trial started because a school in PA that wanted teachers to read a statement that critized evolution theory and goes on to say that intelligent design offers an alternative theory for the origin and evolution of life--namely, that life in all of its complexity could not have arisen without the help of an intelligent hand. It's an interesting issue with opponents saying that it is religion disguised and proponents saying that it isn't religion or that they aren't "teaching" ID just making the students aware by reading the warning before they discuss evolution. I have printed out articles to take to my small group.

There is also one non-believer in my group. He goes to church and is active in missions stuff and goes to all the events, he just hasn't taken that last step. He is a very science oriented person and I am hoping that this class helps him understand that he doesn't have to choose between the two.

Boy, I have to say, once I found a church I went all out. I am a bit suprised. After all my years of struggling with the issue of organized religion, to be attending church every week and being a leader in 2 groups is quite a leap from where I was just this time last year, thinking I didn't need church, as long as I kept reading the Bible. God is pretty cool. This is my church

God bless.

(added later that same day, the book is actually called Do Science and the Bible Conflict? by Judson Poling )

Rainy day blues

It's monday. It's raining. I didn't really care for last week. The weekend wasn't much better. Yesterday, I learned that My Bro's wife is leaving him, again. She left last summer and then they reconcilled for 7 mths and now she's gone again. Why did she bother? Why did she give him hope? She just messed with his heart and mind and I'm really not happy with her. She's already with another guy, who is in no way, shape, or form better than my bro. This new guy(which she was seeing last summer) has a criminal record, including domestic violence and failure to pay child support.

My bro has 5 kids. They want to stay with my bro. They probably all were just waiting for this to happen. I was pretty sure that she wouldn't stay, but I thought it would be a few years before she flipped out again. I was wrong.

I was there this summer. She seemed to be a better person, she was trying so hard to be a good wife and mother, and daughter in law. I guess it was all just an act, and there was no inner conversion. I don't know. What I know is that she has hurt my bro again and that is a very bad thing. I love him and when he hurts, I hurt.

The rain matches my mood. I want to rain too.

God Bless.

Life Hurts God Heals, Third Thursday

There are 4 girls in my group, all in high school. 2 of them didn't come last night. It's kind of strange. Both have done the classes before and wanted to do them again and I spoke to both during the week and neither gave any indication that they weren't coming back. I plan on calling them tonight or tomorrow.

I now have a co-leader. I am still the leader, but another lady signed up and so they gave me a co-leader. The cool part about that was when the guy in charge of the whole program said, "you'll be working with KatieScarlett, she's new too, but I trust her." A good thing! A nice compliment.

There is a free 6 hour Christian concert near (well, sort of near-2.5 hours) me in Oct. I told the 2 that came that I'd like to take them (my co-leader too) and they both thought that would be fun. I was VERY happy that they wanted to go. One of the girls asked how many of the small groups were going and I said just us, I wanted our group to go do something fun together. I could tell she liked that idea. She's the one that I am really worried about and I was very happy to see her come back for the third week.

You get a really good feeling from connecting with these troubled kids. That's God's reward for listening to Him and doing what He asks.

God bless.

more alan

I was thrilled to learn that Alan Alda and I share a love for books. Here's a quote from his book. "I wanted to possess books and to always have one in my hand." (pg. 59) I feel the same way. I collect books and always have one around for quick access! I have a book in my car, for lunches alone, lines at the post office, and waiting for trains to pass. I have one by my bed and usually one in the living room. I own over 1,000 books (and fit them all into a 1 bdrm apt.) I adore reading.

He had a pretty rough childhood. He had polio. He also had a mom who had serious mental health issues. And he's been married to one woman for almost 50 years and his 3 girls have normal lives. Pretty cool, a bit unusual, what with his childhood and Hollywood usual 10 min. marriages.

God Bless.

Alan Alda

He has been a favorite actor of mine for a very long time. Those of you who knew me in college can remember me dashing out of the dining room hall and running to the dorm to catch M*A*S*H at 5:30.

He has finally written an autobiography!! I got it yesterday and read the first 4 chapters before going to sleep. The title is Never have your dog stuffed and other things I've learned. (that actually has relevance in the book) I was laughing so hard! I look forward to reading more tonight.

God bless

Things that make you go hmmmmmm......

My office is about 20 min from the juvenile courthouse, so on court days, I get into the county van and drive down a state highway (1 lane each way, not much of a highway) to the court. On the way I pass a U-Haul store, that apparently has a storage facility attached. They have a sign. It says, Free 30 day storage for Katrina Victims.

While the idea of helping Katrina victims is a great one, I am pretty sure most, if not all have NOTHING TO STORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think it would be better if they just sent the money for 30 days of storage to the Red Cross, or some such organization. It was one of those things that just had me wondering, what are people thinking?

My life has gone from sort of boring, with me spending nights at home at the computer or in front of the tv to having a bit too much to do. When I finally found a church, I jumped in and am getting pretty involved in stuff, which is good, but well, I'm not used to having my evenings occupied!! I used to go home and veg and now I wonder how I will find the time to do all the stuff that needs doing! I'm sure I'll adjust, but adjustment periods are a pain.

God bless.

Second Thursday

All week long, I somehow knew that I would remain the "leader" instead of a co-leader. (God keeps promoting me) I figured it would happen because we were getting more kids. Instead it happened because the "leader"'s daughter got sick. And after two weeks completed in a program where trust is earned and the kids start talking about their terrible lives, it's hard to catch up and putting her in and me back to "co" status would actually not be so great for the girls.

I am working w/ 4 high school girls. The program is called Life hurts God heals, and is based on the Beattitudes and was developed by Willow Creek. It's a pretty good program. I have to admit some of the questions they ask the kids (and me) are really making me think. And some of them make me realize how far I have come from the little girl who sat on a closet shelf, hiding from the world and crying.

Now, the whole thing is 100% confidential. But, as I sit there listening to these girls, I keep sending the words "thank you God" to heaven. My childhood and teen years were horrible. I was miserable, spent most of my days in tears, praying that God would let me come home. And that pain was real, and impacted me greatly. But what others go thru' everyday is so much worse. And I thank God that I didn't have "worse". That I had such a wonderful mom, who I knew loved me and my brother more than anything else in the world, except God. She sacrificed so much for us and my plan is to call her today and thank her. And for all the problems I have with my father, he's still better than the other options out there.

On a different note, Wednesday was my bowling night. It was the second week of league. There were several new teams, so last week they established their average. The team we played this week, and a really low average and a really high handicap, 170 pins above ours!!!!! And, the more you do something the better you get at it and bowling is no exception. They all bowled better than their averages. This truly made it impossible for us to win. And while I play to relax and have fun, I do like to think I have a CHANCE to win!! Next week, that team will have higher averages and a lower handicap, so it was our misfortune to play them so early in the year. Ah well.

God bless

First Thursday

Ok. So I think God has a great sense of humor. Last spring, I signed up to be a CO-leader in the crown financial ministries small group. That means I WOULD NOT be in charge and I'd just be helping someone who has been a leader before. Well, my leader dropped out and low and behold I got promoted!

So, Last night, the first Thursday of the Life Hurts God heals bible study for teens w/ issues began. Again, I signed up to be a CO-leader. Can anyone guess what happened?? My Leader couldn't be there, so another Lady was going to lead, except we had a ton of kids and low and behold I got promoted! Luckily for me, they put a girl in my group who has done the program twice before, so she helped me a little.

I was trained, but the training was sort of done with the assumption that I would be a CO-leader and I would be following someone else's lead. The other leader should be there next thursday, so it's just a temporary promotion.

It was very cool. There are so many kids out there hurting. It's nice to have a place for them to go and hear about God and help each other, just by listening. Giving them a place to freely talk and vent without fear is a very important thing.

Also, since it was the first night, the kids had to register. I signed up to assist at the information desk. I walked up to the desk and the kid there said we need you to fill out a form. I looked at her and said what? She said you have to fill out a form. I said why? and another leader came up and said to the kid, she's a co-leader and the kid goes wow, you look young. Now, I know I look young, but I didn't think that I looked like I was still in High School!!!!!!!!!!! I am 36, a long way from high school!

And that is the second time this week I got that "young" reaction. During lunch on Thursday, I went the christian bookstore, where I bought the new casting crowns album (http://www.castingcrowns.org/ ) and the manafest album, and the lady at the counter asked me if I was attending the university!!! That's mildly better than folks thinking I am in high school, but at 36 college is also far behind me.

Just a strange day. And I can't wait for next thursday. Because you know what, I will be learning too, and growing too, and as much as I can be there for the kids, they will be there for me too.

God bless

a full holiday weekend

Saturday, I didn't do much. I went to church, and decided that next Saturday, I would get baptized. I was baptized as a baby, but never as an adult. It's an immersion baptizism. I had been contemplating it all summer and next weekend is probably the last time it will be offered before it gets too cool out there to be dunked! It's a sign of my choice to follow Jesus. When you do it as a baby, it doesn't have much meaning (from the baby) it's all done for you. As an adult you are taking the step to confirm the choice your parents made for you. It's all a bit deeper than that but I can't really find the words. I also got word that I am going to be a co-leader for life hurts God heals. It starts next thursday and I am very excited about it.

On Sunday, I went to Capitola--a beach about 2 hrs away. I love beach days, looking at the mountains, the ocean, the flowers growing on the side of the road, all pull me closer to God. I see him so vividly in nature, the way the sun hits the mountains, the way the water hits the rocks. I listen to my favorite christian music there and back and really enjoy the day. This particular beach day wasn't as restoring as I hoped it would be. There is a lot going on in my mind.

Monday, I spent with some friends and saw the Constant Gardner and had dinner. The movie was very good, but depressing. The fact is, it's probably a true story, or pretty close to one and it's horrible. In the middle, I looked up and asked God if he saw what his children did to each other, and how could he stand it? (remember, I am still raving about New Orleans, where they are raping 7 year olds and shooting at people trying to fix the levies!!) There is so much evil here. Anne Frank said in her diary that she still believed that people were really good at heart. I think that was wrong. People are evil at heart, selfish human beings caring only for their own needs, desires and wants. It's only thru our believe in God and acceptance of his gift--his son's sacrifice at the cross and acceptance of his forgiveness that we become good at heart, and it's still a battle after that. Satan tries to get us back, to steal the beauty from us, to deprive us of the joy and peace God gives. Good only comes from God.

So. Unless God tells me to move, I'll stay, and trust that He will work His will in my life and get me to where I need to be, not necessarily where I want to be.

(this was edited on 9/6/05, I decided that certain info re: work shouldn't be on here.)

God bless

Rants, part 2

What the hell is wrong with people? Now they are SHOOTING at the rescue choppers! Unbelievable. There is a sniper shooting at helicopters trying to rescue people from a charity hospital and NBC said that someone shot at the chopper trying to get people out of the superdome. These folks are just plain crazy mean.

This is a quote I found on the news stories section of Yahoo: "Hospitals are trying to evacuate," said Coast Guard Lt. Cmdr. Cheri Ben-Iesan, spokesman at the city emergency operations center. "At every one of them, there are reports that as the helicopters come in people are shooting at them. There are people just taking potshots at police and at helicopters, telling them, `You better come get my family.'"

Some Federal Emergency Management rescue operations were suspended in areas where gunfire has broken out, Homeland Security spokesman Russ Knocke said in Washington. "In areas where our employees have been determined to potentially be in danger, we have pulled back," he said.

A National Guard military policeman was shot in the leg as the two scuffled for the MP's rifle, police Capt. Ernie Demmo said. The man was arrested.

Personally, I wouldn't come back and get the guy and his family after being shot at.

Sometimes I wonder why God doesn't do something similar to the flood and just start over again, or stop waiting for whatever he's waiting for and just declare this world done and come again and save the sane folks out there from the disasters evil crazy mean morons create.

God bless.